Expert: Rabbi Barry Dov Lerner - 5/20/2004

Question
Dear Rabbi Barry Dov Lerner,
I'm a Hunter College student and am 22 yrs old. I went to a High school Yeshivah and know quite a few things on Judaism. I'm not very religious, but i do try to keep holdays such as Yom kippur, Passover, etc.
My question regards my Boyfriend who died on April 22, 2004. He was Jewish, and his famly cremated him. I went to an Orthodox yeshivah and i remember learning the Halacha that it was important to have a proper burial for a Jew because otherwise his/her soul will not rest. My boyfriend was Jewish, yet his family cremated him and scattered his ashes in the ocean. His mother, father, brother, best friend, and I stood on top of the rocks in the water and with our hands reached into the bag where his ashes resided and with our hands scattered the ashes in the ocean. I do not know if this was a sin or not on my part, but at anyrate my main concern is, whether my boyfriend's soul is resting? I would like to think it is, buy my past learnings in the Yeshivah keep telling me that perhaps it's not.
Please give me your opinion on this, and what you believe?
Thank you.
                          Daisy Davydov

Answer
Dear Daisy,


Thanks for writing, and I hope that my answer doesn't contradict anything your Rabbi teaches.

I studied with a professor who has moved to Yeshiva University, because he felt he was more Orthodox than Conservative - which is fine with me and I still respect and adore him.

It was he who pointed out that while we don't condone cremation l'hatihilah, at the beginning, after it is done, there is no punishment to the deceased or those who did it.

After all, he pointed out in a convincing argument, did God refuse eternal rest and peace to the souls of those cremated often alive in the Holocaust? Of course God did as a loving and gracious Lord.

What of someone who dies in a house fire? (We were studying Hanukkah) There is no punishment from Heaven, and the soul is treated however souls are treated after life.

I believe that while I don't believe in cremation, for whatever reasons you did participate in the service and the scattering of his ashes, you can rest easy.

I hope that God grants you a happy life and that in due time you'll find someone with whom you can live a full and healthy life of companionship.

Best wishes

Rabbi Dov