Expert: Rabbi Barry Dov Lerner - 3/24/2004

Question
Shalom Alechem

May HaShem grant shalom and kindnesses upon you and yours.

I am trying to make sense of my life and my place among the people of Israel.   Here is my story:

My Grandfather of blessed memory, may the good of my life be counted in his merit, had me circumcised on the eighth day by a Moyle, he named me Mikhoel ben Yosef.  My Grandfather, Morris, is a Cohen.  My father's mother, my Grandmother is also Jewish.  My Father, whom I deeply love and honor, married my mother, whose Father, my Grandfather of blessed memory and to whom may the good of my life be credited, is Jewish.  However, he married a goy who remains so.  My Mother, whom I deeply love and honor, began, but never completed conversion, however, the Jewish heart of her Father beats within her as her love for her Jewish family and our people is plainly evident.

Regrettably, many hard issues brought forth recalcitrance on my Father's part towards Judaism.  Among my Grandfather Morris' children, I alone have embraced Torah since my youth, and for years have kept and keep the Shabbot and moedim, though I was not bar mitzvah'd until I was 40 years old as my Father never took us to Shul.  

Therefore my question, with this very brief introduction, among my family and Israel, am I a Jew?

And, when I am in a Shul and they ask Cohenim, Leveim, Israeli, what should I answer?

Finally, with great sadness, my marriage of 23 years has failed.  I too married a gentile.  As I more and more embraced my Jewish roots, I heard words like “I did not marry a Jew”.  And enmity sprung up.  I was celibate for 3-years.  My wife, who remains in my prayers, began rescuing animals and made my home an unsanitary animal kennel of your worst imagination.  We have now been separated for 2-years, waiting for my wife to sign the divorce agreement for the divorce she filed.  

I have met a divorced Jewish woman with a heart for Torah and HaShem that blesses my soul.  

I am familiar with the Torah prohibition that a Cohen cannot marry the divorced woman.  Her ex-husband is a gentile and it was for his adultery and alcoholism that she divorced him, not because of any uncleaness on her part.  A relationship is building between us—we live in a part of Utah where there are very few Jews and we find great comfort lighting the candles and saying the blessings on Shabbot and reading the Torah together.  I download the Chabbad commentaries, as well as other Rabbinic sources to discuss what we read.   

It is very important to know who I am in Israel and whether I am constrained as a descendant of Aharon , for which I would be awed and honored, and how those constraints might be loosened if I am constrained because this woman, though divorced, is divorced from a gentile.

May the Merciful Eternal Being, the Source of All, blessed is the Blessed One, grant you overflowing blessings

B'H

Craig Shaw (Mikhoel ben Yosef)  

Answer
Dear Craig,

Thanks for writing.

First of all, you write in such flowery language - were you at any time a follower of Islam. It's the same style.

Secondly, if your mother was not Jewish - the Conservative movement would not consider you Jewish, no matter what you practiced or if you were circumcised. There are rules for conversion - which conceivably could be easily met if you were willing. The Reform and Reconstructionist have different standards.

Thus, if you are not Jewish, you may marry anyone you wish - and if you marry a Jewish woman, I would urge you to first properly convert to Judaism.

You are not a Kohen according to the tradition - but then again neither am I. You can still become a Jew, a Rabbi or whatever.

Regarding Habad, they are Hasidic, extremist in their theology and customs and law - just be careful not to become confused.

There is a Rabbi in Salt Lake City. Make the trip - or reach out in email - and begin the conversation.

Best wishes always

Rabbi Dov