Expert: Rabbi Barry Dov Lerner - 10/29/2007

Question
QUESTION: I am a mystery novelist. My character abandoned his Jewish faith when the rabbi would not marry him to a Christian. When his autistic son speaks for the first time, my character is so moved that, from some long buried childhood memory, he offers a prayer of thanks. Is that plausible? What might the prayer be? Can it be written in English?
Thank you for any help.
Weyman Jones

ANSWER: Dear Weyman,

Thanks for writing. First question of this sort!!

The premise is very realistic in terms of disappointment, although it is inappropriate. The objection to officiating is Jewish law because marriage is legal, not a sacrement. That should be part of your novel.

Secondly, few Jews who would be disappointed would know that many years later an appropriate blessing/thanks/etc. There are texts which could be used and translated if you are willing to sacrifice a bit of realism.

Your call.

Rabbi Dov

---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: Thank you, Rabbi. Do I understand you to say that Jewish law forbids an inter-faith marriage and so my character should not have resented the rabbi's refusal? In other words, he was not making a personal judgment but simply had no choice under his law?

ANSWER: Dear Weyman,

Correct conclusion.

Your characters like so many Jews think of marriage as a sacrement, a relationship "blessed" by a Rabbi.

Instead, think of marriage as a legal status resulting from a contractual arrangement, legal witnesses, exchange of rings confirming a bride-price and the like.

A similar distinction: kosher meat is not blessed by a Rabbi. It is meat from a slaughterer who performs the legal requirements for a kosher slaughter - knife, bleeding out, etc. Yes, there is a "blessing" before the animal is killed, but that word "blessing" is a misnomer. In reality it is an acknowledgement of God as Master of life and death.

Good luck

Rabbi Dov

---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: I understand the distinction now. Thank you.

Is it not plausible that my character, raised in an observant Jewish home, might remember at least a phrase or a fragment of a prayer of thanks that would bubble up at a moment of high emotion? Just a "Thank you, God," statement.

And thank you, Rabbi. I hope my persistence isn't getting tedious.  

Answer
What you just discovered is that there is no "average" Jew but rather every possibility is just that - a possibility.

Could he? Yes. Would it be realistic? Could he have been influenced by a techer, friend, neighbor, high school, colleage, etc.? Yes. And, possibly not.

You are the author and need to develop your own complex character - good luck.

Rabbi Dov