AboutRabbi Barry Dov Lerner Expertise Write to me with questions about Jewish customs and law, history,
philosophy and tradition for answers from a Conservative perspective or conversion. I am a graduate of The Jewish Theological Seminary and a member of the Conservative Rabbinical Assembly. Having served in congregational pulpits since 1970, I now am President of the Foundation For Family Education, Inc. a non-profit educational endeavor. I established it to create new formats of hands-on programs and provide free educational downloads at www.jewishfreeware.org. In addition to general informational questions I welcome your questions about programs for social action, outreach to dual-faith families, inter-faith clergy projects, healing services, education for conversion, adult education for the congregation and the community. If you have questions about Informal and Formal Education I am ready to share my extensive experience with Youth Activities, Camping and Religious School/Hebrew High School on a congregational, community and national/international level.
Experience I have served on the National Youth Commission for more than 25 years and serve on the Boards of the Conservative Zionist movement MERCAZ and the World Council of Synagogues. I have always dual-families and taught candidates for conversion with a great sense of fulfillment. I am very proud of 25 years on the Jewish camping staff of Camps Ramah. My greatest source of pride is my family! Ask me about them, please!:-)
What is the real reason we put rocks on top of headstones? I was told by my mom b/c it represents the rock of ages, that when the Queen Esther was buried there were no flowers - just desert that's why we use rocks. I'd love to know the real reason(s). Thank you!
Susan
Answer Dear Susan,
Thanks for writing.
There are various explanations.
The most probable origin is in ancient times when people were concerned about protecting the body from animals or grave-robbers. They would either use a tomb or cover the grave with rocks. At the same time, the mound of rocks would serve as a grave marker, much as we have a tombstone today.
At about the same time, people were afraid that the spirit - being separate somehow from the body - might "stay around" and they wanted to be sure that body and spirit stayed in one place - and thus they weighted down the body and the coffin if it were used with stones. (That's one of the reasons mourners stay in their homes for a week; after a week the spirit of the dead depart naturally for another place and can't be "carried" into someone else's home.)
Afterwards, when we wanted to let others know that people had visited the grave, they marked it with rocks. The higher the pile, the more visitors.
Today, we just do so as a custom. I have a jar of rocks from Jerusalem that I use for our family and offer to members of my congregation for their visits to the cemetery.
