Coping with Loss/Death of a brother

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menthos wrote at 2008-11-18 22:45:49
I am not an expert, so I hope a I am not breaking etiquette by responding here.  But I was struck by the question posted and the remarkable similarity with my experience.



1) My brother died about 6 weeks ago (late Sept) after developing a very serious alcohol, then drug problem. The development of this problem seemed to come on very rapidly and unexpectedly; he died about 5 months after it became clear that he had developed serious problems, but also at a time when most considered him to be doing much better, hoping the recent months had just been an anomaly.



2) I have had the same guilt problems, wondering what else I could have done and why I did not do more in the face of a clear problem.



3) Though I have usually felt guilty about not seeing the problem for as serious as it is and doing more, I recently had a dream where my brother was emphatically apologizing to me, repeating "I'm sorry" many times with a strong tone of regret and sadness.  This was the inverse of my frame of mind, as I felt sorry that I had not done more.



4) The imprint of this dream was unusually strong, and I wondered whether it was also an attempt to communicate; and then alternately wondering if the dream had no meaning beyond my own head and was brought on by the stress of the past weeks.



It's a relief to hear someone else experiences this, and wonders whether there was something to this, or just a by-product of grief.


wyocntry wrote at 2014-06-25 15:06:50
I can sympathize.  Unfortunately.  We are having my brothers funeral today.  His prescriptions were his own, and made him sick, but he never wanted to trouble anyone to take him to the doctor.  Instead, he turned to alcohol, and increased the potency of it.  He was only 40, happy and extremely intelligent before this consumed him.  It is by far the hardest thing I have ever watched or experienced because he turned us away when we would try and help him.  By the time we got him medical intervention, it was too late.  He walked into the hospital but never walked out.  The only solace we have is remembering how he was at an earlier time and know that the person we met more recently was not the real him.  I think it's really cool that you had a dream like that and hope that my parents, my husband, myself and his friends can experience something to release them from the guilt that we have placed upon ourselves.  Thank you for sharing your experience so others know they are not alone.


Coping with Loss

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Rondi Lightmark

Expertise

How to deal with the loss of a loved one, after-death communication, dreams, paranormal experiences, self-care, widowhood, grieving in general.

Experience

I have a Masters in psychology with an emphasis on consciousnes and spirituality. I was widowed ten years ago and experienced many extraordinary encounters with my husband, some of which are published on my website http://www.healgrief.com. I have also published some of my experiences in the book "When a Lifemate Dies; Stories of Love, Loss and Healing" - Fairview Press, written on healing your body from grief in Body & Soul Magazine, worked as a hospice bereavement counselor - and read my work at Omega Institute in Rhinebeck, New York and on Northeast Public radio.

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