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Coping with Loss/my boyfriend has lost his only family member

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Question
My boyfriend has lost his father from a sudden and quick battle with cancer. When he found out his father was ill he moved out of our home and gave up his job to care for his father because he asked him to.He managed to get about 3 months with his father before he died being his sole career as his father would not let anyone else be near him.

He sadly passed about a month ago and my boyfriend is having terrible flashbacks and nightmares about his fathers last weeks.  He is now living about 100 miles away from me and has decided that he does not want to be with me anymore. He psychically has no person in his life now to support or help him. He will not respond to my calls or texts and i am terrified he is going to do something stupid and hurt himself as he is just sitting on his own using alcohol as a crutch and speaking and seeing no one.

I really want to help him wether or not our relationship is over. I truly think he is in extreme emotional distress and he will not share. I have given him numbers for Cruse and the Samaritans but i know he will not call them. Please help! is there anything i can do to help him!

Answer
hello!
sorry for the late reply.
sometimes such turns happen and with time things fall in place once again.
         you have already done far more than what was expected from you. now please give him some space and time. allow him to think what he wants and how he wants to support his life.
you can write, you are always there if wants to have a word.
         many people show such behavior when they really dont know how to cope up with the situations. if your relation is real and worthy for him, he will come back. allow 3 months for his grief to resolve.
         in the meanwhile you can do prayers for him, your thoughts will reach him for the sure.
         now for yourself, please concentrate in your routine, any aerobic exrecise for 30 mins and half glass of lukewarm milk prior to sleep will be of good use to you and will give you good strength to fight.

Coping with Loss

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DR.PALLAVI A. JOSHI

Expertise

i can answer questions related to Psychiatry and Psychology, like relationship problems, behavioral problems of children, schizophrenia ,depression and other mental disorders, issues related to Dementia, end of life care,sexology issues and bereavement coping issues.

Experience

i have done M.D.(Psychiatry) & D.P.M. from GMC & Sir J.J.Group of hospitals,Mumbai.i was topper in my M.D. exam.Now practising Psychiatry since 2years post M.D. i have worked as Assistant Professor,Psychiatry,JNMC,Sawangi for last 1 year. I was working with hospice in Nagpur for last 1 year and now working with another hospice in Bangalore. I was also working with NGO , Sandyasanwardhan (NGO working for mentally challenged children) now am a consultant psychiatrist t private in Bangalore.

Organizations
VITALAIFE,BANGALORE SWAMI VIVEKANAND MEDICAL MISSION, NAGPUR YOUTH FOR SEVA,BANGALORE NATIONAL MEDICOS ORGANIZATION,NAGPUR IPS,IMA- MUMBAI BRANCH SEVANKUR,MUMBAI-NAGPUR

Publications
- International Publication on “Attitudes of Medical Students Towards Psychiatry”- in ACADEMIC PSYCHIATRY, 2011;35:360-364. - Writing a WEEKLY column for NEWSPAPER "TARUN BHARAT" SINCE LAST 6 MONTHS. - PSYCHOONCOLOGY JOURNAL- 2010

Education/Credentials
•“A.K.NAIK BEST PAPER AWARD” ,BOMBAY PSYCHIATRIC SOCIETY ON “PSYCHOPATHOLOGY IN FEMALE PRISONERS” 24.4.2010 Zonal winner (Maharashtra, Goa, Gujarat) in Torrent Young Scholar Award • 4th Merit in National Torrent Young Scholar Award of 2010 • 1st runner up in Bombay Psychiatric Society Quiz held in Sept- 2009, Mumbai • 1st runner up in Interstate West zonal Quiz held in Oct- 2008, Nagpur • Distinction in 2nd Year – 77% also in subjects Anatomy, Biochemistry, Pathology, Microbiology. • Stood 2nd topper in Nagpur region in 2nd & 3rd yr of M.B.B.S

Awards and Honors
• Invited as Guest speaker for “PSYCO-ONCOLOGY NATIONAL CONFERENCE” held by CICRI, Nagpur on “Pain and Sleep management of terminally ill cancer patients.” • Invited as Guest speaker for “NIRAMAYA” NATIONAL CONFERENCE OF ALLOPATHY, HOMEOPATHY AND AYURVEDA on “HOLISTIC HEALING”. • Invited as Guest speaker for “DISASTER MANAGEMENT” AT NATIONAL CIVIL DEFENSE COLLEGE, MARCH-2011 on “NEEDS OF WOMEN IN CONSIDERING CRISIS MANAGEMENT” • Invited as Guest speaker for “PERSONALITY DISORDERS” by BPS, Mumbai on 25.9.11. • Invited as Guest speaker for SEVANKUR, 2011 on “GOAL SETTING” “A.K.NAIK BEST PAPER AWARD” ,BOMBAY PSYCHIATRIC SOCIETY ON “PSYCHOPATHOLOGY IN FEMALE PRISONERS” 24.4.2010 •

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