Coping with Loss/Tough times

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Question
My mother died less than a year ago and I now live with my dad.  Me and my mother were close beyond belief, me and my dad however, not so much.  I miss my mom so much.  Whenever I get mad at my dad, I wish my mom could be here to hug me.  I am not sure how to handle dealing with my mom's death, much less living with my dad.  I want to be happy in life like I used to be, not full of anger and sadness.  I want to grow a better relationship with my father and not always be mad at him.  I want my life back!  Any words of wisdom?...

Answer
Dear Shaye:  Let me say how sorry I am for your loss.  I, too, lost my mom and the periods of grief that one goes through are unbelieveable; no one understands until they experience them.  It took me at least a year to be able to 'join' society again to the point of getting on with my life, but  I had no one to help me..I just had to work through the feelings myself.  It sounds as though you are having somewhat the same problems.

I think maybe you should try to get to the bottom of your anger with your dad and determine why you feel so angry at him.  It would be a great help if you and your dad could acquire a close bonding as you could help each other through this change in your life. If you aren't able to talk with your dad I would advise talking to a counselor or even a close friend.  Sometimes a close friend helps me more then sessions with a stranger.  

Another view you might consider is a change in your way of thinking.  I know you're grieving for your mom as well as the whole upset of your lifestyle but try to think more in terms of what your mom would want you to do if she were there with you.  I know she wouldn't want your life to 'stop' because she cannot be there with you.  Would she be pleased if you could complete some classes?  Would she be pleased if you would start a support group for others who have lost their moms?  Would she want to see you singing in the choir on Sunday morning or working with children?  What would she want if she were sitting by your side right now?  Often doing things like this will help you continue to feel close to someone you've lost.  These things helped me along with the passing of time and keeping myself busy and I pray they might be of help to you for  I know in my heart your mom would not want to see you grieving so badly.

I hope you will give some of these suggestions helpful and I'd love to hear from you to know how you're doing.  May God bless you and give you strength.    Joanne

Coping with Loss

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Joanne Flint

Expertise

Dealing with the death of close family members and loss of a friend. Dealing with betrayal; how to accept it, deal with it and move on.

Experience

I lost my parents, who died less than eight months apart and a newborn son three months following the death of my mother. A year following this, my brother died suddenly and a 19 year old cousin was crushed to death in a car accident on his birthday. Now I am facing the impending death of a very good friend. I have also dealt with the death of a husband. I have found that talking with people with similiar experiences has helped me and I have been told that it has also helped them greatly.

Education/Credentials
A licensed nurse for twenty four years with several years working on a Psych ward as well as being the Executive Director and Director of Nursing Services for a Group Home for mentally ill and mentally retarded.

Awards and Honors
Awarded top clinical and top academic grade at my nursing graduation. Also was a member of the English Honors' Class while attending a local college.

Past/Present Clients
I don't share information about people with whom I talk, unless given permission. I am not a doctor, but I have given insight and hope to people just like myself.

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