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Coping with Loss/Vanishing Family and an Evil Presence

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I'll begin very frankly and tell you that I do experience anxiety issues, and they've been occurring for a few months now. I'm not here for medical help, obviously, but I've recently had a death in my family.

    My grandfather passed away three weeks ago, Monday. He was in the marine corps in Vietnam, and a police officer for 32 years afterwards. He was, more importantly, one of my best friends in this entire world. A few hours before typing this, we had an internet and cable outage, so I sat in his chair in the living room and waited for both of those problems to fix themselves. I eventually fell asleep in his recliner, where i saw him for the majority of my childhood, and I had a foreboding and oppressing dream. Myself, my mother and grandmother were walking out of the house and leaving in my grandfather's truck in the very beginning of said dream, and I didn't know why. I also didn't ask.

   We climbed into his truck and started down the driveway when all of the sudden my mother disappeared. I thought nothing of it, so I turned and looked out of my window. I turned back to see my grandfather in the front seat, my grandmother in the passenger seat, and my mother on the railing of the truck's cab. I didn't know why, but I couldn't speak to ask. I turned back to my window on the rear left side of the Chevy, but then turned back to look at my family. My mother was now in the rear right side seat next to me, and my grandparents in their usual seats up in front. That's when I noticed a huge hole in our front yard and an entire excavation crew, plus my grandmother, who is at the same time sitting in plain view of me inside the truck, peering into this gaping hole in the yard.

   I turn back to the window, then back again. This time I notice something odd. I ask my mom about my grandfather finally.
"Why are we leaving?", I asked. "Because it's tomorrow.", My mother says. "But he's still alive.", I said. "Because it's yesterday", she says.

   I understand some of this now, but here is the scary part. I did my usual head turn, and I looked into the back of the truck. Out of the window I see a black male, wearing glasses and a hat, sitting on the railing my mother was previously on. I've never seen him before in my life, and couldn't tell anyone who he was. He was staring at the back of my mother's head, and my grandmother turned to him and said, "I see you." She kept saying it for the remainder of the dream. I turned and turned back again, and this time both my mother and grandfather were gone. It was just me, my grandmother, and the one stranger in the back. He looked at me this time with a deep hatred on his face, then his glasses disappeared and he looked me in my eyes. All the while my grandmother is repeating that phrase, "I see you."

   His eyes changed what seemed like a thousand times, then what seemed like a symphony of horns started pulsating on and off in my ears, I couldn't make it stop. He just kept staring at me with the same evil look and I tried covering my ears, but it seemed to be playing through my mind, getting louder and louder. I screamed at myself to wake up, over and over again. I did, with sleep paralysis and i looked at the TV my grandfather and I would sit in front of and watch wrestling or movies on, on a regular basis. The router and modem were on top of it. The lights on the cable box and modem flickered off and on, and back to normal. My sleep paralysis wore of when they were normal again. I was sitting in his chair for a while longer, and I assured my late grandfather that I understood what he was trying to tell me.

   I'd appreciate any input or opinions you have. Any help would be amazing. Thank you for your time.

Answer
Dear Marquee:

Wow!  Dreams have always been something to which I have given deep thought.   You might be interested in the book, 'The Element of Encyclopedia of 20,000 Dreams' by Theresa Cheung.

Dreams have always interested me because some are in such detail and easy to remember; these are said to be psychic.  I truly believe they are because I started noticing years ago that when I dream something that is so easy to recall, the details usually come true.  I began documenting my dreams, no matter how 'off the edge' they seemed.  For instance, I had the same dream three times in a row where someone asked, "are you going to David's funeral?"  I alerted my family to the dream because we have a brother-in-law whose name is David.  We were, at that time, boarding our horses in a lady's pasture, who had a son named David.  Six days after the third dream, David was driving a tractor that flipped and landed on him, killing him instantly. He was only 15.  That lady was devastated.

This has happened numerous times throughout my life and I continue to document my dreams.  Unfortunately, they aren't always precise enough as to tell me 'who' the dream is about.  But when I have a bad dream or my children have a disturbing dream, we always call each other and tell about it with a word of caution for them to be careful.

I had a realistic dream that my brother in law, who was a logger, was in a terrible wreck.  I went to his house the next day and told him of the dream and advised him to be very careful in the upcoming days.  He laughed at me.   Eight days later, he came to my house and laughingly called me a 'witch'.  He said, "I usually don't go into the woods after a rain because of the mud, but I went yesterday morning because I just wanted to finish that job.  I backed my truck in, loaded it with logs and when I got into the truck, I felt it sliding!  When I realized what was happening, I jumped out and my truck and logs went down the mountain side."

Anything I would say about your dream would be purely a guess.  I think, though, since you were so close to your grandfather, his death triggered a deep emotional disturbance within you.
In your dream when you turned to look out the window and looked back, there was always a change in where your grandmother or mother was sitting.  This could be a sign that you're going to experience more change in your life in the upcoming days, months or years.  When you see the black male, who didn't seem to be very friendly, it may have been a warning that you are going to encounter some difficulty in your life.  This could be anything from going on a new job where there are 'not so friendly' co-workers to an uproar in your family.  It could even be that someone you trust is going to betray you.  The big hole in your yard could simply be an indication of what a void is left within your soul when you lose someone so close to you.    The hatred in the strangers' eyes could be that deep down your grandfathers' death has left somewhat of a hatred for death itself.   

As I said, just like with my own dreams, the most we can do is to speculate as to what they mean.  The thing that has helped me the most over the years, however, is that when I experience out of the ordinary dreams, I go straight to the computer or a tablet while it is fresh in my mind and document every detail of it.   I try not to let myself worry but I do go to anyone who was in my dream and tell them about it and ask them to be careful.  I don't care if they laugh at me because I have had enough dreams come true to make me feel secure in sharing them; especially if my dreams outline a sickness or death.

I wish I could be of more help but I believe the best thing you can do right now is to start documenting your dreams even if you have the same one for several nights.  Try to remember every detail.  I have found that even when it seems like I am dreaming the same dream, there is always something a little different about each one and it is important to write them down.

Also, losing someone who is so dear to you can set off a chain of emotional reactions within you so swiftly that it is easy to get confused about your feelings.  I remember, to this day, the hurt I felt when my grandparents passed away and because I am so close to my grandson, I have tried to ease into having 'talks' about the circle of life with him.   That's what we're in, Marquee, simply a circle of life.  We are but a mist that will pass away.  Try to think about your feelings about death and come to terms with losing your grandfather; but don't forget to live!  Your grandfather would not want you to sit around, letting life pass you by, or dwelling on his death to the point that you're missing your own life.   Remember your good times with him and thank God for giving you two such a gift.

I would love to hear from you and to know how you are doing with this.  Please stay in touch.  My best, Joanne.  

Coping with Loss

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Joanne Flint

Expertise

Dealing with the death of close family members and loss of a friend. Dealing with betrayal; how to accept it, deal with it and move on.

Experience

I lost my parents, who died less than eight months apart and a newborn son three months following the death of my mother. A year following this, my brother died suddenly and a 19 year old cousin was crushed to death in a car accident on his birthday. Now I am facing the impending death of a very good friend. I have also dealt with the death of a husband. I have found that talking with people with similiar experiences has helped me and I have been told that it has also helped them greatly.

Education/Credentials
A licensed nurse for twenty four years with several years working on a Psych ward as well as being the Executive Director and Director of Nursing Services for a Group Home for mentally ill and mentally retarded.

Awards and Honors
Awarded top clinical and top academic grade at my nursing graduation. Also was a member of the English Honors' Class while attending a local college.

Past/Present Clients
I don't share information about people with whom I talk, unless given permission. I am not a doctor, but I have given insight and hope to people just like myself.

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