Coping with Loss/dying son


My son lives far away. He is 34.When he was 1 years old I gave him up for adoption. I spoke to him for the first time a year ago. He is unmarried and has two children. We have spoken about 6 times. My husband has sent him money. He is in the hospital far away. They are talking about taking him off life support today. I really do not know him.  But I did give birth to him. I felt guilty for the last 33 years for leaving him. I don't have the money to fly out. But yet I feel that I will regret if I don't.I don't know what to do.

Hi Donna... you must have had a very good reason for giving your son up for adoption... It seems as though you made contact with him before he reached his dying days... Stop feeling guilty... you did what you had to at that time... nothing you can say or do will change that.. Just because you did not raise him  does not mean you did not love him... Sometimes loving someone enough to do what is best for them is the most difficult decision you could have made... It is wonderful that you had this year to talk with one another  and learn what has gone on during the time you were apart.. Money was sent to help him   so  you did what you could... do you think your son would want you to spend money that you could not afford so you could go to the funeral??? What do you think will be accomplished by going to the funeral???  You don't know him as  you said   nor do you know his children or any of his friends..  It could cause more awkwardness if you showed up..  Have you had any contact with his children????  maybe you could stay in contact with them if that is something they would agree to... They could tell you what he was like as a father... My thoughts are with you at this most stressful time...  All the best to  you..

Coping with Loss

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Edith Ziegler


I can answer questions about how to move on with your life, what sort of things to do to help you move forward, how to deal with offhand remarks such as it will get better with time, you may meet someone new in time I am not sure what I cannot answer because usually something occurs to me that will suffice as a satisfactory answer


I took a course through the VON for couselling and am also doing grief counselling



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