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Coping with Loss/Anger after losing son.


Hi Gabrielle, I lost my wonderful son almost a year ago. He was the live fast die young type of person he was 35 years old and so unique. I miss him but believe he was too special for this world also I believe I will see him again and feel his love ands prescence is still with me. What I struggle with is is the evilness of his partner we welcomed her and children to our lives but the night he passed he had gone to iver on one of his crazy escapades! She knew he was in trouble as her son 14 years old had been with him, he told her son was on river bank unable to walk as his dingy had tipped and he was wet and cold. Her response was to hide son, ring police but not tell them he was on riverbank, she said he had taken dingy out and so they looked in river. He was found 4 hours later passed with hypothermia. He was only 10 minutes from home. Police when they knew she withheld info. wanted her charged with manslaughter but no charges were brought. I am so angry with her I don't see her which also denies me my grandchild my son has a 3 year old daughter to her. She has no remorse and is partying, worse still girls who came to my sons funeral have stayed with her when they didn't know her before and they party with her. I am usually very gentle and content, will this dreadful woman get karma for her evil act? How do i move on from her eating at me inside for her evil action? Still I feel my son is happy, thank you for reading any advice would be appreciaated. I just didn't know such badness existed not to get my son help and save him, regards Barbara

Dear Barbara, I am so sorry for your loss and the circumstances that caused your son's death. I hear your anger and I am really glad you reached out because this kind of anger can fester and cause you great harm.

There is absolutely no excuse for what your son's partner did! Having said that, your anger won't serve you and doesn't affect her in any way. I do believe in karma and if she is truly coming from a bad place, there will be a cost to her behavior. However, please understand that everyone reacts to loss differently, she may be partying as a way to "numb out" or not deal with her loss or responsibility. That's between God and her. As for your healing, let yourself grieve the loss of your son. In a way, anger at her, keeps you from your grief recovery. I recommend you start writing in a journal, write letters to your son that include apologies, forgiveness and any significant emotional statements you would like him to know.

The second recommendation is to forgive this woman. Please understand that forgiveness does not absolve her of her responsibility, it is simply saying, "you hurt me, but I am not going to let you hurt me any more." Does that make sense?

Take care and you are in my thoughts and prayers.

Coping with Loss

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Rev. Gabrielle Michel


As a grief expert and spiritual grief counselor, I can answer any questions about loss and the grieving process. I specialize in the loss of an infant up to the age of one year (miscarriage, PROM, abortion, stillbirth, SIDS, premature birth and any other type of infant loss).I can also answer any questions about faith and grief, especially for those dealing with anger with God.


Gabrielle Michel, a pioneer in the grief movement, is an interfaith minister, ordained in 2000, and spiritual counselor whose specialty is helping people work through grief and spiritual crisis. In 2004, she experienced a spiritual crisis of her own. February brought the miscarriage of her first baby; July, the death of her younger brother. In October, she said goodbye to a dear friend who succumbed to emphysema. And on December 22nd, she joyfully welcomed her second baby into the world, only to say goodbye to her the very next morning when death claimed her as well. Seeking solace in the midst of great spiritual pain, Gabrielle embarked on a quest to find comfort. Alone, she stumbled around in the dark trying to find her way back to faith, eventually becoming a Grief Recovery Specialist. Gabrielle researched over 50 books about grief and infant loss, and while they each had a little something to offer, none of them addressed the deep spiritual wound she had after losing her daughter. She found that the books on the market were memoir, psychology-based or religious. In her extensive research, Gabrielle discovered the critical missing pieces of our culture’s current grief paradigms. First, each book primarily focuses on the loss, and second, the books lack the applicable spiritual components needed for grievers to find hope. Her studies, training, and ministerial and spiritual counseling experience, along with her own recovery from deep despair, make Gabrielle a compelling, relatable writer and speaker on the topic of grief. Though the subject is dark and painful, her resilient spirit, disarming sense of humor and accessible demeanor allow her to produce articles, books, workshops and lectures that engage, inspire and empower.

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Ordained Inter-faith Minister Certified Clinical Hypnotherapist Bachelor of Arts in Religious, Spiritual & Holistic Studies Certified Grief Recovery Specialist

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