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Coping with Loss/watching my mother die


my mom was taken from my baby sister an placed with me an now she is dieing the doctor gave he 3 mos live an now im watching her die in front of me an i want to beat the hell out of my sister cause my mom told myself an the hospice doctors that my sister hit her an yelled at her my mom was even scared to tell my sister that she had used the bathroom on herself r even for a drink of water so i am dealing with my mom my back bone in life an the fact of my sister wat r how do i deal with this cause i am about to fall apart

Oh, Malena, I'm so sorry you're facing such a heart breaking experience.

It is very sad, but a reality that some elderly people are being abused at the hands of the very people that they  dedicated their own lives to give a safe up-bringing  and to love and cherish; only to be treated with such disrespect and abuse.

As a nurse, working in the hospital and nursing home atmosphere, I watched so many elderly or sick people go day after day watching and hoping for a visit from one of their children; only to be disappointed.  I could never understand people who had such disregard for their own family members.  I thought about all the things that we want and need as children growing up,  and sometimes as grown children, that our parents' help us get, and often putting their own wants aside to provide and then I look at these sweet people who only want ONE thing - to see a smiling, caring face of someone they love.  A simple thing to desire; something that would make them smile inside and out and simply make 'their day'; and yet,  they're disappoined.

Fortunately, your mom has you; a person who is filled with love and compassion. But, Malena, I would like to caution you at this point.  If you're not careful, you will let hatred creep into your soul and turn your heart  into the very thing that is disgusting you about your sister.   I know exactly how you feel; I've experienced something similiar to this so many times.   For your own well being and the well being of your mother, I would suggest that you concentrate on making your mom's life from this day forward  pleasureable by showing love and a caring attitude; that is why, I believe, God has delivered her to your care.   

I read a book, not long ago, by a well known author and in it he wrote, "there is no such thing as 'good luck or bad luck' - everything is a test from God".   It is an interesting way to look at life and if this is correct, your sister failed the test miserably.   So, now, the test comes your way.  If you let your feelings for the way your sister treated your mother dwell inside you, it will create a 'dead spot', thus taking away some of your 'good.'   Rest assuredly, Malena, your sister will have to face our Lord someday and answer for her actions.  Or, as some people say, Karma bites!  Being a believer in that, I have trained myself to put all revengeful feelings or thoughts aside and when I see someone do something terrible or hurtful to me, I simply say, "I feel sorry for them - because now they have that same deed, or maybe worse, just waiting to happen to them."

You are a God-send for your mother and I know God is smiling down on you at this very moment. I am praying for you and your mother; she is very blessed to have you in her time of need.  I hope this has helped you in some way, Malena, and that your suffering will be eased.  

Coping with Loss

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Joanne Flint


Dealing with the death of close family members and loss of a friend. Dealing with betrayal; how to accept it, deal with it and move on.


I lost my parents, who died less than eight months apart and a newborn son three months following the death of my mother. A year following this, my brother died suddenly and a 19 year old cousin was crushed to death in a car accident on his birthday. Now I am facing the impending death of a very good friend. I have also dealt with the death of a husband. I have found that talking with people with similiar experiences has helped me and I have been told that it has also helped them greatly.

A licensed nurse for twenty four years with several years working on a Psych ward as well as being the Executive Director and Director of Nursing Services for a Group Home for mentally ill and mentally retarded.

Awards and Honors
Awarded top clinical and top academic grade at my nursing graduation. Also was a member of the English Honors' Class while attending a local college.

Past/Present Clients
I don't share information about people with whom I talk, unless given permission. I am not a doctor, but I have given insight and hope to people just like myself.

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