You are here:

Coping with Loss/Death of my daughter

Advertisement


Question
I am a mother of 4 adult daughters.  My daughter Jennifer of 37 years old passed away last July 3rd with her family by her side.  I had promised her when it was time for her to let go it would be okay.  THe morning she passed away the last words she spoke to me was It's okay mom, it's ok.  She has a wonderful husband and two young boys 8 and 10.  They watched there mom be so sick and it is so hard on me not to see them talk about there mom at all.  I can't go a day without crying my eyes out.  I can't sleep well, I am on zyban for anxiety and I feel it is making me more depressed.  I live with someone who is very caring but not so understanding.  My other girls are very good to me but I need to get strong and put a happy face on.  Can you please let me know what I can do.  Thank you.

Linda

Answer
Dear Linda:

I am so sorry for your loss.  We have a lot in common; as I have raised four girls.  Three are my daughters and one, my granddaughter.  Though I have not lost any to death, I did lose a very dear son in law who died suddenly in a horrific accident.

One can't help but be so impressed with the strength of your daughter, as well as you.  One thing we learned in nursing school, that stands out to me, is that, when dealing with a dying loved one, we must remember that we are losing 'one' person; the dying person is losing everyone.  So, the fact that Jennifer was so strong and, apparently, had accepted her fate, is so admirable.

If you believe that your medication is making you feel more depressed, you must talk with your physician very soon.   There are many anti-depression medications on the market and it may be advisable for you to try another kind.

It is disturbing that your family does not want to talk about Jennifer.  We must remember, though, that individuals react to the death of a loved one differently.  Some folks grieve outwardly while others express their grief or find comfort in remembering the deceased in conversation and others become angry because of the death.  This is why, I believe, experts always recommend that you turn to counseling or seek the benefit of talking with a trusted friend who is a good listener.  I have  heard great things about Support Groups.  Whatever avenue you choose, you should always remember that your feelings are very important and you should never let folks around you force you to bottle up your feelings.  

Personally, I do not want to ever let the memory of my son in law  just fade away.  He was a good, loving and caring person and deserves to be remembered by the many hearts he touched during his time on this earth.  The only sense I can make of the death of such a young person is that God had a better and greater plan for this person and I cannot question God's will.  I believe the same for Jennifer.  

I enjoy hearing from folks and how they chose to handle their problems and about their feelings.  Please feel free to write anytime.  I pray that God's light will always show you the right path to choose.  May God bless you, my friend.

Coping with Loss

All Answers


Answers by Expert:


Ask Experts

Volunteer


Joanne Flint

Expertise

Dealing with the death of close family members and loss of a friend. Dealing with betrayal; how to accept it, deal with it and move on.

Experience

I lost my parents, who died less than eight months apart and a newborn son three months following the death of my mother. A year following this, my brother died suddenly and a 19 year old cousin was crushed to death in a car accident on his birthday. Now I am facing the impending death of a very good friend. I have also dealt with the death of a husband. I have found that talking with people with similiar experiences has helped me and I have been told that it has also helped them greatly.

Education/Credentials
A licensed nurse for twenty four years with several years working on a Psych ward as well as being the Executive Director and Director of Nursing Services for a Group Home for mentally ill and mentally retarded.

Awards and Honors
Awarded top clinical and top academic grade at my nursing graduation. Also was a member of the English Honors' Class while attending a local college.

Past/Present Clients
I don't share information about people with whom I talk, unless given permission. I am not a doctor, but I have given insight and hope to people just like myself.

©2016 About.com. All rights reserved.