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Coping with Loss/parental estrangement


My adult children have not spoke to me in 6 yrs. They haven't told me what Ive done . Post adulthood childhood resentment disorder? My oldest does not me because Im sensitive and doesn't like dealing with her emotions. Its so horrible I don't know what to do I feel so powerless. Not a day goes by where I don't break down and cry. ^ yrs a long time to be crying everyday. Im so afraid because they are my heart and life means nothing without them. I will always hurt, cry no matter if I do try to accept it? I never knewe such pain evan existed. This is something you can never get over.I miss them so much. Can you give me any help?

Dear Rita:

    I understand what you're going through.  I believe 'today's children' are a lot different than when I was growing up.  I would not have dreamed of going a day without talking to my mother.  But you hear more and more today about parents' being put in a position of where they feel as though they have been 'set aside'.

    If you don't have a clue as to why they have done this, maybe you could have a dinner and invite them all.  Even if they live out of town, they might consider coming and that would 'break the ice'.  I used to use this technique when my two brother's wives would have an
argument and stop speaking.  I would invite them all to a dinner and in no time they were talking again. It is possible that pride is keeping them away.  You know, like "I don't want to be the first to say I'm sorry" type of thing!  

    I wonder if you have tried to call them and talk to them one on one.  That might be a little awkward for you, but if it isn't, it would be worth a try.

    Also, it is very hard for a person to turn away from love.  Calling them often to just say 'I love you' might seem useless at first, but it is very hard to turn a cold heart to someone telling you over and over that you love them.  Or, if you're not comfortable doing that, you could set a goal to send them a personal note saying 'I love you' every week.

    If all your efforts to make up fail, you would really have no choice but to leave them alone.  I know that is just so difficult, but you are only human.  Even if you have been at fault at something, my personal feeling is that refusing to talk to you is inexcusable.  YOU are their mother and  apparently  you love your children very much or you wouldn't be reaching out for help.

    You didn't speak of religious belief's but God teaches us to be forgiving and if He can forgive us for our sins, our children should certainly be forgiving.  I hope the Lord blesses you with a loving blessing today.  I will pray for you and your children to be reunited.  Prayer is a powerful thing between you and God.  I truly believe He will bless you and I know He is watching over you and he is pleased with you for reaching out.

    I would love for you to keep in touch with me and update me on your progress.  I know this won't be easy for you but you are a blessed child of God and He is with you.  Please don't let this bring you to a state of depression and if you feel at anytime that you are feeling depressed, especially through these holidays coming up, please reach out to someone for help.  I hope to hear from you again.  Joanne.

Coping with Loss

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Joanne Flint


Dealing with the death of close family members and loss of a friend. Dealing with betrayal; how to accept it, deal with it and move on.


I lost my parents, who died less than eight months apart and a newborn son three months following the death of my mother. A year following this, my brother died suddenly and a 19 year old cousin was crushed to death in a car accident on his birthday. Now I am facing the impending death of a very good friend. I have also dealt with the death of a husband. I have found that talking with people with similiar experiences has helped me and I have been told that it has also helped them greatly.

A licensed nurse for twenty four years with several years working on a Psych ward as well as being the Executive Director and Director of Nursing Services for a Group Home for mentally ill and mentally retarded.

Awards and Honors
Awarded top clinical and top academic grade at my nursing graduation. Also was a member of the English Honors' Class while attending a local college.

Past/Present Clients
I don't share information about people with whom I talk, unless given permission. I am not a doctor, but I have given insight and hope to people just like myself.

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