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Coping with Loss/my son was the driver in a car accident killing 3 friends,he survived

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My son was the driver and only one that survived of the 4 kids,2 boys were dead on impact and his girlfriend died 45 minutes later,my son was critically injured and life flighted to trauma center.the accident was 2 miles from my house,we live in a very small community were he was a senior,there's no drugs or alcohol involved he was on his way home from a mandatory senior career night at school when the 2 boys that died asked for a ride home,it happened at 5:15 in the afternoon on10-21-14.my son is now home from the hospital,but cannot return to school until at the earliest January.he remembers nothing of what happened that.a good day for me is being able to drive by the memorial for the 3 kids and not relive or replay the accident in my head.when I go to the store it seems I will run into someone we know and the well meaning questions start.some days the survivor guilt I feel is overwhelming I thank god everyday for sparing my son,but how do I live with the death of 3 children?we now know it was my sons fault.my son see's a psychiatrist 2 a week and the pain in his is eating me up then add the survivor guilt and I am at the end of my rope with the stress of everything.I have been told to try and find a support group,but were is a group that would be able to help the mother of a teenager who is responsible for the death of 3 children?my son is alive and I'm so so grateful but I am not prepared to handle the consequences of this accident.can you please tell me where and what group there is to help me figure out how to find my new normal.
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Answer
My heart is aching for you.  Just reading about what you and your son are going through is
heart-wrenching.  My prayers are with you.

From what I have read, it appears that you and your son are doing everything possible to get
through the horrors of this accident.  I am so thankful that your son survived and is on his way to recovery.  

Unfortunately, when our children suffer, we the parents, also suffer.  If you are religious, I would recommend that you pray for the wisdom and strength to get through another day.  Prayer
is the foundation of my life and I have found that, with prayer, just about anything is possible.  People don't realize that mental pain is just as bad as physical pain.  

Sometimes the mental pain and stress of a situation, such as this, is so great that some folks have found that the only way they can find some normalcy to their lives is to find a new community.  You and your son have constant reminders of this accident everyday.  Moving to start a new life with new surroundings would be one resolution, but depending on your situation, it might not be a possibility.

I do think that you would benefit from attending a support group.  You said that your son is under the care of a Psychiatrist so this might be a good start for you.  Have you considered talking with a professional?  And, if you feel that is not the answer for you, the Psychiatrist can surely direct you to a support group.

Finding a trustworthy friend to talk to is often a great help in this type of situation also.

Shannon, I wish you the best and I would love to hear from you if you feel like talking about your path to recovery.  I will be praying for you and your son diligently.

My best, Joanne

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Joanne Flint

Expertise

Dealing with the death of close family members and loss of a friend. Dealing with betrayal; how to accept it, deal with it and move on.

Experience

I lost my parents, who died less than eight months apart and a newborn son three months following the death of my mother. A year following this, my brother died suddenly and a 19 year old cousin was crushed to death in a car accident on his birthday. Now I am facing the impending death of a very good friend. I have also dealt with the death of a husband. I have found that talking with people with similiar experiences has helped me and I have been told that it has also helped them greatly.

Education/Credentials
A licensed nurse for twenty four years with several years working on a Psych ward as well as being the Executive Director and Director of Nursing Services for a Group Home for mentally ill and mentally retarded.

Awards and Honors
Awarded top clinical and top academic grade at my nursing graduation. Also was a member of the English Honors' Class while attending a local college.

Past/Present Clients
I don't share information about people with whom I talk, unless given permission. I am not a doctor, but I have given insight and hope to people just like myself.

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