Coping with Loss/sad after 17 years
I still miss my husband. It never stops. When I let myself think too much, I realize there is no other man for me. He was 48 when he died, our son was 16. He was ill for 9 years previous to is death. The 11 years we had together while he was healthy, were the best of my life. He gave me the opportunity to have a baby, now 33. He loved me so much, and I did also. My question is this. Every time something new happens in my life, such as our son marrying, graduating from college, being so successful in his career, and recently having his own child (my first and maybe only granddaughter) why do I feel so badly because he is not here to see all this good stuff. Who is there I can share how proud I am of him, how happy to be a Nana now. I feel cheated, I get angry because no one gets it. There are no family members of his still alive to talk with. My family don't get it, or at least never mention him much. What do I do with all these needs to share these times with him? They surprise me every time it happens. I have no desire to be with anyone else. I am now 64, had brain surgery 55 years ago, do not drive because I lost a lot of my vision from that brain surgery. I don't go anywhere very much, and live alone. I have no real friends in this State, but still have old friends up north. I do not live near my son because when I sold the house my husband and I built, I did not want to be a burden to my son. Thank you.
Hello Irene... it sounds as though you had a very special relationship with your husband... you were with him while he was very ill... he was your whole life for awhile and when that was taken away you were left feeling as though everything worth while in your life was gone...have you thought of joining a group where other people will share their loss.?? you will have people that can definitely know the sort of feelings you are experiencing... As for your family not mentioning your husband.. at times people are not sure if talking about someone that has died will help the person left behind or make them miss that person even more... Death is very difficult to talk about for some people... it does not mean they don't care.... just that they are not sure what to say... Your husbands body is no longer here but the memories are... as for sharing with him... have you tried taking a picture of him that you particularly like and just telling him all about the happy times...???? It is time for you to try and find some activity that you would be happy doing and mingling with some people.. Do you enjoy playing cards.. bowling... etc???? Joining a group of some sort and having fun can help you to be able to move on... It does not mean you have to find another person to share your life...Reach out to people so you feel less alone... make some new friends.. Your husband sounds like a really super sort of person and I don't think he would want you to be lonely.. Honor his memory and be happy... all the best to you Irene... you sound like a strong person and I believe you can come to terms with what life has handed you .. If I can be of any further assistance please feel free to contact me again..