AboutDana Q Expertise Questions regarding older/younger relationships in which BOTH partners are legal adults.
Experience I'm an open-minded 29-year-old woman who has spent the last five years in a happy, healthy, and loving relationship with my husband, who is 50
Education/Credentials B.A. French and B.A. Literature
Minored in Spanish
Awards and Honors Graduated magna cum laude. Please include the age of both people involved in the relationship, time you have been together (if it applies), and any misgivings or doubts you have about the relationship so that I may give you the best answer possible. Long, complicated questions aren't a problem - I would rather have too much information than not enough!
Question I am a 59-yr-old female with limited relationship experience due to being a caregiver for my mother. Four years ago, however, I met a man who is now 74. We are very attracted to one another. On and off for the past 4 years we have been involved in an intimate relationship which also involves going to dinner, etc. now and then. I am puzzled, however, why he has never introduced me to his friends or grown children. I know all about his children because he shares everything with me. I think they know about me, but we've just never met. This man and I live in the same building, which makes it easy to share intimate time watching t.v., fixing dinner, etc. I almost feel like a mistress, but that isn't the case. For instance, he is attending a wedding today of the daughter of a friend of his, but of course, did not ask me to be his guest. He'll share things with me after a shopping trip and a couple of weeks ago gave me a special pillow because of the stiff neck I always have. I've tried to accept the way things are, but lately I'm feeling more and more uncomfortable. He really isn't interested in meeting my friends, either. Is this common behavior for an older man?
Answer Hi Karen,
Thanks for writing to me. I think you are right to feel like a mistress in this relationship, because he is treating you like one. He probably feels that the two of you have an "arrangement", and the fact that he is not interested in introducing you to his friends and family or meeting yours indicates that he doesn't view this as a serious relationship. The way he is treating you has nothing to do with his age; it has to do with his character. You deserve more of a relationship than this. Since it's been four years, it appears as though he is unwilling to give you anything more than what you're getting now. My advice to you is to end this relationship as soon as possible, so that you may be free to pursue someone who will treat you properly.
