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Question QUESTION: have lost the love of my life, and I dont really know why. I am 29 , he is 46, we have been long distance for 5 years. Got engaged 6 month ago. He is AMAZING, honestly every womans dream. I swear I was the luckiest woman i nthe world. Three weeks ago , he was at my house visiting, (he flew in) I immediatly felt different, began to notice all his small faults. Stupid things that make me fee TERRIBLE about myself , but I have to tell someone: losing his hair, he gained weight, He dresses so hidious I am ashamed to stand next to him in public. jsut not attractive at all. All this all of a sudden stood out for some reason. He tried to kiss me and I could NOT do it , it made me sick to think about it and all I wanted to do was get away from him. this started a fight, a HUGE fight which ended with him booking a flight to leave the next day, while still begging me not to make him leave , but after the way I felt I know it wasnt fair for him to stay. He has called & called , begging to know whats going one with me , and what he can do to make it right again. HOW can I do tell him whats wrong when I dont even know whats wrong?? What the heck happened to me? Weeks ago we were planning a wedding, more in love than ever, then all of a sudden I feel disgusted by him?? What is wrong with me? we have been under ALOT of stress with eachother latley, could that have something to do with it? PLease help me see through this confusion.
ANSWER: how often did you see each other?..you didn't notice these things before?
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QUESTION: We spend at least a week together per month, I knew these things were there before , but they never bothered me at all. I ahe a problem letting people get to close to me emotionally. And I think that maybe I am trying to find thigns to push him away, and these things get exagerrated to the point of making me sick because I am trying to push him out so hard. I do not want to but , I just have an issue with letting people in. Does that make any sense? I suppose I am trying to psycho anaylze my own self here :)
He has never spent time at my home, it was more convienent for me to go there, the past weeks was the first tim e he ever stayed at my home. And I felt very uncomfortable, and all I wanted to do was run away , I beleive it was anxiety. He called me yesterday to tell me how much he still loves me and whatever is going on he will see me through it and help anyway he can. He is amazing , and I feel like such a terrible person for even saying the things I am feeling...
Like when he was here , I took a huge step (for me) and introuduced him to my friends ( he has already spent time with all my family)
and we were at a function together with my friends and someone made a comment about is he my grandpa!! I wanted to crawl under a rock I felt so uncomfortable, thankfully he didnt hear that comment.
Answer it's probably a good thing that this happened NOW, rather than after a marriage; at this point, no need to do anything rash; hold off on all talk of future plans, see each other again, see how your feelings evolve; could be this these new insights are real, and that this really isn't the guy for you--it happens; or, could be just a temporary anxiety---give it time to play out, resist the temptation to over-analyze it or engage in dramatic dialog with him about it..
