Coping with Older/Younger Relationships/Old Romance vs. Potential Happiness
I am a female in college, and this last summer I broke up with my boyfriend of 3 years. We had taken a break for the majority of our third year, but knew that we both wanted to get back together because we wanted to marry each other. When we did get back together, I realized that he had not changed (I wanted him to want to do more things with me, because it seemed like he never wanted to do anything fun with me over his friends, EVER! We never saw each other because he always had something better to go do, it was just his personality). I met another guy who did want to see me all the time, and I did not cheat on my boyfriend, but things got very close, and I emotionally cheated, one could say. I stopped seeing both of them in the beginning of June. He and I started dating our current (new) partners around the same time in early fall, and we still talk a bit. Before we met them, we would drunk text each other and tell each other we miss each other, are still not over each other, still want to end up with each other, etc. But mostly, we would talk about how our new relationships just simply weren't as special as ours was.
But now, I have been dating my new boyfriend for 2 months. He has the qualities that my ex was lacking, and makes me laugh and wants to be with me all the time. However, we have very little romance right now. The problem is, I feel like there is a problem with our relationship because I keep comparing our romance to my old romance (my first love). I can't remember when romance kicked in with my first love, so I don't know whether my new relationship will just be one without "gazing into each other's eyes", or if in a few months, we will be head over heels over each other. I know we both like each other, and spend almost every night together, but I can't help but worry about the lack of romance, and I have a fear that it will never come because my new boyfriend just isn't that kind of guy, and doesn't share his emotions easily and give me compliments like my old one did.
I also keep worrying that our relationship will turn downhill after the honeymoon stage, like my old one.
I also have problems telling him when I want to see him, because I fear that he will reject me like my old boyfriend did. However, now he is getting upset because I am too scared to offer to hang out, instead of him for once. I simply cannot get myself to do it though, because I'm scared he will say he has something better to do.
Please, please tell me your thoughts, and tell me how to stop thinking about how wonderfully romantic my old relationship was, so that I stop trying to sabotage this new one. I feel like if I could focus on my new relationship, I could be happy, but I can't. I don't know how to stop comparing, and to stop worrying.
Thank you so much for any help!
college is a perfect time to meet/date different guys; spending all your time with one guy that you have no real romantic feelings for, isn't the best use of your time; there are plenty of guys that will meet or exceed the expectations you've built up from the old boyfriend; you can't find them if you're settling for just bein comfortable with someone who's more a friend than a lover...