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Coping with Older/Younger Relationships/Advice on dating lawyer who is a lot older than me


Any lawyers, or those dating one, or placed in similar situation please help!

Background info:

I am dating this lawyer for about 4 months now. I am not sure if we have a label as bf and gf but when people ask, he is very open with it and says we are in a relationship and we are a couple. He will take me to many social events to network and connect with people he works with. Maybe it's the fact that he is a lot older that he doesn't actually "ask me out."

He is 16 years older than I am though. We met at my company where I work as a business admin. I am still in college finishing up my studies at the age of 21. For the first 2 months I never gave him the time or day. I focused on myself and sometimes would not answer his calls back or text. I wasn't playing games it was just the fact that I was busy at the time with school, 2 jobs, and taking care of my family. I didn't take him seriously at first bc I thought that since he was older there was only one thing that he wanted. I was also scared to get hurt again but I was wrong. He continued to still try to reach me and wanted me to be a part of his life. When I was in the hospital for a month he got his mom to pull some strings and asked the doctors to help treat me. He keeps coming back for more and had so much patience for me even when I wasnt fair at all to him. That was when I realized that this man truly does care for me and it wasn't about the sex. He took things very slow and took me on dates that I had interested in. Since i loved art and history, he would take me to museums to expand my knowledge. I guess my question would be; are lawyers hard to date? We are on our honeymoon phase right now. Just came home from vacation together. Had the PERFECT weekend. I know things will change but I just want to know if he views me differently.

I am not as wise as him because I have not gone through the life experiences that he has been through yet. I have no clue about law but I am very interested whenever he talks to me about it and I'm slowly learning from him each and every day. He is very knowledgable and was raised off from a wealthy family. His parents are both doctors, his brother an insurance broker, and his sister is a sales rep for a pharmacutical company. I come from a middle class family where my mom is a nurse and my dad an engineer. I am still trying to figure out myself with what I want to do. I love to read, work out, and be outdoors. I just have a boring life.

He is BEYOND perfect. He treats me so well and after all the guys I have dated, he is the first and only person that actually showed me his appreciation towards me. Both his words and actions match up and make me feel special. The only thing I worry about is the fact that since there is an age gap, we are on different pages in our life. With his busy work schedule he is always with clients, phone calls, or at court. He told me that when we first met he was not looking for anyone because he did not have the time but when he met me, his thinking changed. He told me that through his life experiences, he knows that when theres a good thing - hold on to it and I'm that "good thing" in his life.

He is always so eager to learn more about me but I feel like I am SO boring and have a boring life compared to him. I am currently unemployed because I had to take care of my aunt and her kids because she was going through cancer. Work interfered with my school so I took a "break." I felt like a stay at home-soccer mom for the past 2 months. I am currently on winter break and I have all this free time on my hands while he's working so hard and tells me all these crazy stories. All I can do is listen. I just don't want him to end up losing interest in me. I am falling in love with this man but my insecurities from my past relationships worry me. I just don't want it being he leaves me because I'm not going anywhere with my life yet that he ends up finding another women who is interesting, his age range, and has her life set and in order.

Maybe I am thinking too much into this because he never gave me a reason to not trust him but it's the stereotypes that he's a lawyer and he is so much older than me that he can do stuff without me knowing. With his busy schedule, I don't actually know and see what he does through out the day like how he tells me. We text through out the day and he'll call me on his break but since we are both busy at times, we send a text to each other every other hour or so. Sometimes I can not make it to the social events he asks me to attend with him but when I see photos, he IS surrounded by BEAUTIFUL, Intelligent, and successful women. WHY is he so interested in a twenty something year old who is still figuring out who she wants to be? Why does he not want to be with those ladies? Should I be cautious with him and not take him too seriously? Or what? Any reassurance and advice would help me!

the fact that he's a lawyer shouldn't really matter; the age thing could matter as this goes along, but not necessarily; your insecurities are probably the biggest concern; stop using the word "boring"; to perceptive people, everyone is interestingly unique; in this relationship, you need to be something more than arm candy he takes to social events; take some of the focus off of HIM and focus on YOUR need to be and feel like an equal partner in this; you might want to get a couple of books on increasing self esteem to start; hopefully your mindset will gradually change from "what's he doing with me?" to "he's quite fortunate to have me"....regain your career focus, develop some interests apart from need to see each other as totally content even if unattached, as the cypress and the oak grow not in each other's shadow...

Coping with Older/Younger Relationships

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expertise: over 6000 questions answered...B.A. Psychology Bates College;graduate study, Fordham Univ. School Social Work; technical editor, "dating for dummies", by dr joy browne; thoughtful consideration of your question, then insightful advice about love,romance and related issues given in an objective, non-judgmental manner...over 20 years of personal experience in both short and long term relationships...longer term consultations are available experience: personal involvement in many relationships where issues of love, sex, intimacy, trust, etc., had to be dealt with and resolved...just having "experiences", however, isn`t`s the thoughtful reflection upon and analysis of what happened and why, that leads to learning and tell me what`s on your mind and i`ll try to help, or tell you if i can`t...thanks


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