Coping with Older/Younger Relationships/Need Advice


Hi, I've been with my boyfriend for 5 years now and in our relationship there has been slips and cracks but end up fixing them. Well in the last couple of weeks I've been noticing things were different he wouldn't call or text as much like before remind you we are in a long distance relationship so I only see him every weekend. Even when I do see him he isn't as affectionate like he was before and we haven't had sex yet because he said he wasn't ready we only have given each other oral that was it and even that has stopped. When I address these issues to him the other night because of how things have been different he totally snapped and gets annoyed very easily and started saying he is tired of hearing this all the time, he has been busy with work (even thou I know he has) but in this case even when he is done work I don't even hear from him till 11 at night and he finishes at 4pm, the weekends are the same he doesn't even text me or call he waits till I have to call or text him which I hate always putting that effort in. so I told him all this and he just snaps on me and calls me a bitch and I don't appreciate what he does he says im creating things in my head because I don't work everyday like he does and I need to get a second job, I babysit when i'm off from work and even that he has said oh you watch kids big deal not like the work I do, he constantly hangs up on me it takes 26 calls for him to actually pick up the phone.  The things he has said are very hurtful and I know deep down inside he doesn't care, I feel like i'm nothing to him and I cant even tell him what's on my mind or how i'm feeling I simply have to be quiet and act like everything I see is ok. I've kept things from him just to avoid an argument, but after that night I didn't hear from him at all I did text him but he apparently says he hasn't been getting my texts, when I see them going through. I've asked about him talking to other girls and why we is insecure about himself and he just gets more upset and closes off he isn't opened with me at all and he also said if he starts going back to the gym and he is going to call me later will that be a problem and i'm like no but if you need to focus on yourself don't worry. I just don't know what to do anymore this relationship is slowly going downhill I basically put my effort into communication and he doesn't, I just don't know what to do. I need to focus on myself more like I don't drive but i'm working on that to getting my license plus I want to go back to school, but I need to stop worrying about him and focus on me I do still love him, but how is this love?

it's certainly not my idea of love, with either of you; he's certainly not into it anymore, perhaps because of another female; as for you, when you say you love him, i'd ask, what exactly about him do you love?..he's abusive, disrespectful, inconsiderate, and on and on; you may be "addicted" to him, but the reality is you're putting up with this because of some deep insecurity; my advice would be to stop initiating ALL contact, and when he does get around to communicating, ignore him for a few days; then when you do reply, INFORM him that the situation is no longer acceptable, tell him what you REQUIRE, and if it doesn't happen, you're out; he's WAY TOO sure of you, and it's because you're putting up with this nonsense; if you remain unwilling to stand up for yourself, and even walk away if he can't be loving, then be prepared for more quiet desperation...

Coping with Older/Younger Relationships

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expertise: over 6000 questions answered...B.A. Psychology Bates College;graduate study, Fordham Univ. School Social Work; technical editor, "dating for dummies", by dr joy browne; thoughtful consideration of your question, then insightful advice about love,romance and related issues given in an objective, non-judgmental manner...over 20 years of personal experience in both short and long term relationships...longer term consultations are available experience: personal involvement in many relationships where issues of love, sex, intimacy, trust, etc., had to be dealt with and resolved...just having "experiences", however, isn`t`s the thoughtful reflection upon and analysis of what happened and why, that leads to learning and tell me what`s on your mind and i`ll try to help, or tell you if i can`t...thanks


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