Coping with Older/Younger Relationships/Is he too old for me?


QUESTION: I've lived with a woman that is pretty much my mentor for a year now. I needed a place to stay and she suggested I rent a room from her. We get along really well and I get along well with all her family so when he daughter was getting married everyone just expected I would go.
I went and long story short me and my mentors son (we've always had a thing for each other) we realized the actually had feelings for each other. He is an amazing man (a little overweight) but he is the second most nicest man I've ever met in my life. We balance out each other perfectly since he's calm where I'm energetic, he can fix any problem (and likes it too) while I tend to break everything, but we're the same in the sense that we will both drop anything to help someone.
This is all wonderful but I'm hesitant to take the next step. If I did I'm not sure how my mentor would react... and she means the world to me. I could never lose her.
And the other big question mark is that he's older than me. I'm 20 and in college and he's 34 with a steady job as an engineer.
I'm not sure I would be able to give him everything he wants (a family) in the time frame he wants it in.
And the last thing is I'm transferring to the college in the town he lives in. My mentor and Brain want me to move in with him. Is that a good idea? It would be nice to have some support and the rent would be pretty inexpensive (I'm worried about how I'm going to afford rent, college, food, etc). Do you think that would be a good idea?

ANSWER: so are you actually dating this guy?....are you prepared, or is he, to tell the mother?..have you discussed the age thing with him?..and aside from movin in with him, what other option do you have?

---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: We are not dating. We talk on the phone for hours at a time a couple times a week. If we decide to take the next step we will tell his mother.
We have discussed the age thing a little. The biggest issue seems to be that he would want kids earlier than I would. I want kids but at least not for the next five years.
I see what you mean about moving in with him. I'll probably rent an apartment whenever I move.

So do you think it would be a good idea to start dating him? He is everything I want in a man, husband, and father (to my future children). Settling down doesn't scare me - it's what I've wanted my entire life. As a kid I grew up in a transient lifestyle with separated and immature parents. Stability is one of the major things I've wanted and I find that aspect of Brian's personality attractive.
If it did work out between us it would be wonderful since I love his family and they love me.
But if it didn't... I wouldn't be able to handle losing my mentor. I saw how sad and angry she was when the woman Brian proposed to three years ago walked out on him (she couldn't handle commitment).

ok, so without the interaction of dating, you currently have a friendship; i see no immediate issue as to dating, assuming you both have an interest; i wouldn't be too concerned as to the children question, you haven't even had a date yet; talking on the phone is way different than in person interaction; under the circumstances, living together would be foolish; as for losing the mentor, any true friend wouldn't allow a relationship break up to interfere with the bond you 2 have created...

Coping with Older/Younger Relationships

All Answers

Answers by Expert:

Ask Experts




expertise: over 6000 questions answered...B.A. Psychology Bates College;graduate study, Fordham Univ. School Social Work; technical editor, "dating for dummies", by dr joy browne; thoughtful consideration of your question, then insightful advice about love,romance and related issues given in an objective, non-judgmental manner...over 20 years of personal experience in both short and long term relationships...longer term consultations are available experience: personal involvement in many relationships where issues of love, sex, intimacy, trust, etc., had to be dealt with and resolved...just having "experiences", however, isn`t`s the thoughtful reflection upon and analysis of what happened and why, that leads to learning and tell me what`s on your mind and i`ll try to help, or tell you if i can`t...thanks


see above

©2016 All rights reserved.