AboutDana Q Expertise Questions regarding older/younger relationships in which BOTH partners are legal adults.
Experience I'm an open-minded 29-year-old woman who has spent the last five years in a happy, healthy, and loving relationship with my husband, who is 50
Education/Credentials B.A. French and B.A. Literature
Minored in Spanish
Awards and Honors Graduated magna cum laude. Please include the age of both people involved in the relationship, time you have been together (if it applies), and any misgivings or doubts you have about the relationship so that I may give you the best answer possible. Long, complicated questions aren't a problem - I would rather have too much information than not enough!
Question I feel like I finally met my soul mate. I'm 35 and he's 23. I have never dated a younger man, but he has dated older women. I was divorced 6
years ago because of an infidelity. I dated a wide array of same age or older men, but never allowed anyone to get close to me until now. We fell in love almost instantaneously. After a year of being together, we decided to live with one another. Everything seems great except for one thing. He has an old (older than me) girlfriend who still calls him and who he corresponds with regularly. He says she's just a friend and that he only loves me, but the other day I found some cards. They were birthday and Christmas cards that she has given him since we have been together signed love and her pet name when they were together. She also ends phone calls with saying big hugs, love ya. I don't know if it's age thing for him not to understand, but I definitely have a problem with
this. We have had discussions on my feelings toward this issue and he swears he would never do anything to hurt me. I don't think he realizes how
his continued contact with her like this is a huge problem. I'm to the point I feel I need to leave because he doesn't see how badly this hurts our relationship. I know we love one another, but I refuse to be hurt again. Should I give Mr. Wonderful another chance to handle this odd
situation or just leave?
Answer Hi Suzanna,
Thanks for writing to me. Something is definitely fishy here, and you are justified in being upset. If you have had multiple discussions with your boyfriend and he refuses to cut off contact with this woman, I think you may have to rethink the "soulmate" thing. There is no reason why this woman needs to be in contact with him, and there's definitely no reason why she needs to send cute little cards and use baby talk with him. It's disrespectful and rude on her part, and your boyfriend should tell her that it's inappropriate. I really think you should very carefully consider whether this can really last. It doesn't sound like he is taking your feelings seriously.
