AboutGraig Yarbrough Expertise I can answer questions regarding who you are and how you relate to others. I can show you how negative thoughts and emotions block the real you from showing through. I can show you how to be comfortable with yourself. I can offer you a way of seeing life that puts you in control. I can help you to see the potential that you are. I can not answer questions about what kind of medication or drugs you might need.
Experience I have been counseling here on AllExperts for over five years. I have over 100 hours in personal counseling. I have experience in both individual and group counseling. I am an advocate of Energy Psychology and a practitioner of (Emotional Freedom Technique) EFT. I am a practitioner of The Release Technique. I thoroughly enjoy helping other people with the knowledge I have to share!
Education/Credentials I have a B.A Degree and many hours of self-study. I have about 120 graduate hours in sociology. I was an Equal Opportunity Advisor for the US Army for three years. I am US Army Retired.
I am a graduate of the US Army Primary Leadership Course, Basic Non-commissioned Officers Course, and Advanced Non-commission course. I am a graduate of the Defense Equal Opportunity Management Institute.
Question I'm not sure what's wrong. I've been diagnosed with depression, but I think I just feel like I'm unsure who I am and how to get what I want from life. I have a hard time meeting quality people, which depresses me and makes me want to avoid going out. I used to be very religious until I became sexually active, which seems to have resulted in a strange state of being ever since, where I'm just not sure where I fit in the world.
I think I have a lot to offer, I just don't feel like people understand or are "ready" for me. I don't like a lot of people.
Theres also this one particular person that I feel like I connect to really strongly. I consider them my best friend, even though I only tend to see them for a few months every 2-4 years. I feel like this person understands me, but somehow, we always end up arguing and things end pretty painfully. I've come to the conclusion that finding me and finding happiness is going to require this person, but not having other friends or relationships, this person tends to feel really pressured by me. You see, I want to be with people, but I need them to understand me.
I guess I'm not even sure what my question really is. Maybe you can make sense of this.
Answer Hi Ashley,
Depression is not something you have. It is something you do. You depress. You do this to avoid something that is too painful to deal with.
I am going to make some guesses here then I will deal with what I see.
You are unsure of who you are. You tried religion but that didn’t see to work. You tried sex. It was probably great but it did not give you what you were looking for. Now you are stumped. You do not know yourself nor where you fit in in this world. You depress because the pain of not knowing is too much. People remind you of this. Meeting quality people might remind you that you do not know if you fit in there or where you fit in. Even worse, you do not know how to get what you want. You depress even more.
You know someone that you connect with. Your relationship is ok but it usually ends in pain. The soggy cookie principle applies here. A soggy cookie is better than no cookie at all.
his is the only person that you feel any comfort with so this person must be the answer. Of course, no other person can give us what you seek so that becomes frustrating.
You made this statement.
“I think I have a lot to offer, I just don't feel like people understand or are "ready" for me. I don't like a lot of people.”
My guess is that you don’t understand yourself so you project that on others. Of course, others can’t give you what you want so you do not like too many of them.
Ashley, you are all that you ever need. What you are looking for is inside of you. You do not know that so you compensate for it by looking for it in others. You will not find it there because it is not there. That leads to frustration.
You need to understand yourself.
When you strip away all the negativity you have been experiencing, you find something that we characterize as peace, joy, acceptance, and courage. When all the negativity is gone, you see your true self and you are happy all the time. You have everything that you ever wanted. You just have to reach out and take hold of it. You enjoy the company of others. You are free to let them be themselves and discover themselves. You understand that you cannot give them what they want. They must find it for themselves.
Others do not become a threat to you. They are welcomed. You are a natural giving entity. When you strip away the negativity, you want to give all the time. You look for ways to give and share who you are.
You are free to explore this unique one-of-a-kind, individual that you are. There is no end to the depth of you. There is no other like you. The more you discover this you, the more you have to give to others. It is never ending.
How do you get there from where you are?
Understand that you created all this negativity when you were young. You had thoughts that you characterized as bad. Feeling is the body’s reaction to thought. You determined that the associated feelings of those bad thoughts were bad also. You begin to suppress them. You began to hold them down much like holding a basketball underwater in a swimming pool.
Your natural expression as a human is to experience all the feelings you have and let them pass through your system. Instead, you are holding them down like that basketball. They are motivating all kinds of negative behavior. They create disruptions in your energy field. This leads to sickness. They hide who you really are so that you only see the negativity. You become confused and unsure. You compensate to survive.
It is time to let them go.
Just release them and like that basketball, they will come up because it is there nature to do that. When you do, you will feel more in control. You will begin to get a glimpse of that person I described above.
Here is how you begin.
Realize that releasing is a process. You see results right away but it may take a while to see this beautiful you. It can happen in as little as 3 months if you want it more than you want the security, approval, and control you have been wanting.
Accept the reality that you created this condition. No other person did this but you. When you do that, you know where the problem is and you can change it.
Want to be free of this negativity more than you want to hold on to it.
I think you are ready. You don’t want this confusion any more. You want answers.
Begin this way.
Get in touch with the feelings you want to avoid. Just let it come up. These negative feelings usually show up in your stomach or chest.
You might start with the fear of contact. Just let that negative feeling come up. Don’t judge it. It is not good or bad. It is just phenomenon. It is just the results of past experiences.
Now gently place your chin on your chest. This temporarily unhooks the mind and opens up the feeling part of you. Feel that negativity in your chest or stomach.
Now measure the intensity on a scale of 1 to 10. Ten is the most intense.
Now ask yourself these three questions.
Could I let go of this fear of contact with others?
Would I let go of this fear of contact with others?
When?
Just let it go. Do not hold it back. Just release it. If you have trouble releasing this or any other feeling, ask yourself if you can allow this feeling to be there.
Now check yourself again. Has the feeling subsided? If you still have some feeling, continue to release until it is all gone.
When you do this, you will notice that you do not have that feeling associated with contact with others anymore. The behavior it motivated will not be there e as well. You will find yourself ok with contact with others. It will feel strange at first.
As you continue to do this, you will get closer to that true person you are. You will begin to see vestiges of it.
If you want it more than you want what has been a compensation for it, you will be free.
If you should need further information or clarification, you can write me here again or you can write me at graigy@nukpunuk.net.
Remember, well-being is the only stream that flows.
