AboutPam Dyson, MA, PLPC Expertise I specialize in working with children and families. I can address issues and problematic behaviors related to anxiety, depression, grief, abandonment, divorce, blended families, abuse, ADHD, peer difficulties, bullying, aggression and low self-esteem.
Experience I am a provisional licensed professional counselor with extensive training in play therapy.
Organizations American Mental Health Counselors Association, Board Eligible National Certified Counselor, Association for Play Therapy, Chi Sigma Iota,(Counseling Academic & Professional Honor Society International).
Education/Credentials BS in Family and Child Development, MA in Professional Counseling, Provisional Licensed Professional Counselor (PLPC)
Question I am a child of divorced parents I was given custody to my mother who neglects me emotionally. As a young child she constantly left me with other people or my father at times all night long to go out or for days because she went away she'd never call me to check up on me. One night she had me at a friends house where I'd awoken to my mother standing in front of her friend and an unknown man naked. When I was little she spanked me for wanting to live with my father. Almost everytime I see her she puts me down about my physical features or the shoes my stepmom got me for school. She doesn't tell me she loves me or is proud of me a lot like my dad an stepmom do. I'm constantly being told how great my half brother is and when I am at her house I never feel like I truly belong. I am not allowed to hug her because my head touches her breast. She would dress me in very provocative attire as a preteen and I would tell her that I did not like it. She lost her house and lived with my grandmother for a while where she had me sleep on the floor while she and her husband slept in a bed. When I would tell her I was cold and wanted a blanket or told her that i wanted to live with my dad who was just a few blocks away until things were better she told me to deal with it. I want to live with my dad but I feel I can change my mother to be like my stepmom, who does support me in many ways. Can I change her if so how, I feel that my future and self esteem is in jeopardy. My Stepmom encourages me to talk to her which I do and I'd even written a letter to my mother with my teacher about my feelings and she resists me or just walks away.
Answer Hi Bea,
Being a child caught in the middle of a divorce can be very frustrating. How old are you? It's unfortunate that your mother is not the mother you need her to be so I can understand why you want to change her. However, we cannot make other people change. The only way for your mother to change would be if she wanted to. It sounds to me like she doesn't want to change. It must be very discouraging when you try to tell her how you feel and she resists you or walks away.
Unless your mother decides to change you will not have the mother your heart longs to have. You are fortunate to have a step-mom who is supportive of you. Being able to talk to her about things will make you feel better and when you feel better it increases your self esteem. It also sounds like your dad is very supportive of you. You have two parents who love you and want the best for you and that is a good thing.
