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About Nori J. Muster
Expertise
I can address problems with juvenile delinquents, adolescents at risk, abuse survivors, cult members and families. If you`re trying to get your life back after a cult or cult-like secular group experience, or if you have a family member or friend who has joined a cult, please write to me.
Experience
My background is in counseling, but ever since my book came out, I have met more people who need help. My area of expertise is working with juvenile delinquents, cult members and people at risk for joining cults, troubled teenagers and families, and people with sexual abuse and other child abuse problems.
Organizations
I belong to a variety of cultural and environmental organizations.
Publications
I have several books out (check Amazon.com or Google.com) and other writing posted at my personal website, Surralist.org
Education/Credentials
B.A. in Sociology, University of California, Santa Barbara, 1978
MS in Interdisciplinary Studies, Western Oregon State College, 1992. My master's thesis is about using art therapy with juvenile sex offenders.
Awards and Honors
Betrayal of the Spirit (my first book) won an award for best selling book in its category, at Amazon.com, 1998.
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You are here: Experts > Health/Fitness > Mental Health > Counseling > dealing with people
Counseling - dealing with people
Expert: Nori J. Muster - 9/4/2008
Question
hi
i am 27 yaers old and i find impossible to deal with people.i come to stage i just dealing with people incl my own mother and father i just can,t stand people.i am middle child i have never had any freinds growing up,i was always by my self every day on my own 365 days a year in school ,in collage,no body would partner me school for any project so i always end up doing all on my own.i was always bulled at school and always left out .never had a boyfreinds guys hate me since i was 13 yaers old.i don,t like dealing with guys any more .i was attacked by two boys in my room who were drunk.i was so scared i was shaking like leave they denied they kick in the door at me.they told me i brough that upon my self.guys tell me i am not enough for them that i am just waste of time.
my mother said i get on with no one .but no body accepts me no body .i am over weight and i have depression and low self esteem due to all abuse the people caling me names and atatcking me.be left out all the time.
i went to 5 counsellors none could help me.one counsellor said it might not always be .life is lonely never having a freind to talk to or boyfreiind to love me ,becasue no loves some one ugly and fat like me,i am just a joke to people some one who they make fun of.
Answer
Dear Louise,
Thank you for your letter. If your parents left you alone growing up, did not provide activities and playmates, then you suffered neglect as a child. At my website you can read the symptoms of child abuse:
http://surrealist.org/gurukula/abusesymptoms.html
Read the section, "What constitutes child abuse," because that will help you learn what may have gone wrong in your childhood to get you where you are now.
If your mother criticized you as a child, then you suffered verbal and emotional abuse.
To protect yourself, you probably built strong attitudes and beliefs. No counselor can break down your bad attitudes and beliefs, so that may be why they could not help you. Open your mind to realizing that the world is much different than you imagine it.
If you go back to counseling, find a counselor who treats adult child abuse/neglect victims. You may make more headway starting from that point.
I also recommend my two books, Cult Survivor's Handbook (since your family sounds like it was cultish), and Dreaming Peace (information about attitudes and beliefs).
http://surrealist.org/writing/handbook.html
http://surrealist.org/writing/dreamingpeace.html
Write back if you want to discuss further.
Also, try to avoid "confronting" your family about this until you have worked in therapy for a while. Confrontation may offer a temporary feeling of satisfaction, but it may also make things worse.
Sincerely,
Nori
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