Expert: Patricia A. Schafer, Ph.D. - 10/29/2011

Question
My mother passed away three years ago from cancer. She was the only person who truly loved me and valued me. I suffer from major depression, anxiety and the past trauma of being abused. I am seeing a therapist. No one really understands the lingering affects of being abused. I also was assaulted as a teen by a stranger.
I do not feel real. I feel worthless and not of much value to anyone. I am not appreciated at work. I volunteer at a hospital. I like it. I live alone. I come off to everyone as sad. My brother refers to me as Eeyore from Winnie the Pooh. He is dour and depressed. It is not very kind to be compared to a stuffed animal.
I am quiet and shy. I am introverted. I am very sensitive. I am not of any harm to anyone. I would not harm another person, ever. I just wish to feel I am worthy and of some value. I do not feel that I am. I get extremely anxious and get a panic attack out of no where. I am horribly sleep deprived. I feel alone. When I am around others, I feel I am not welcomed and not part of the family. I feel I am of not true value, like I was to my mother. I want to be loved and feel love. I need help. I want to know, how do I begin to feel valuable? How can I learn to appreciate who I am no matter what I feel? Is there something wrong to want to feel someone else acceptance of me?

Answer
Hi Gwen,

I am sorry to hear about your depress and anxiety, and also how you feel about yourself. You are thhinkof of yourself using so many negative words and those thoughts can keep you depressed.

Here is a test.  Pretend another volunteer at the hospital, named Mary, comes up to you and says that she feels so worthless about herself and not valued by anyone.   Now get a piece of paper out and write down what you would tell her.  Read this list to Mary (you could have an empty chair there or put a picture of a women of something to represent Mary.  Now, look at all the positive things you told Mary.   Check those positive items on the piece of paper and fold it up.  Now you sit in the chair and say my name is Gwen and open up the list if positive things you told Mary.     Realize that you have been kind to Mary and use that same kindness on yourself.

Next, I think you should see a Psychiatrist to be assess for how deep your depression and anxiety is and ask about medications that may help you.  If you get a prescription for your depression and anxiety from the doctor, take it consistently.

Next, look up Adult Children of Alcoholics meeting and/or Al-Anon meetings.  They are excellent support for you because people at these meetings have experienced all sorts of traumas from being in dysfunctional families and being sexually and/or emotionally abused.  You need that help for yourself to know you are not alone. And, I can guaranteed most of those people have suffered from feeling worthless, from feeling guilty over things they never cause, very low-self esteem, etc

So, I hope my words help you in some way.  Also, you have a sense of self worth or you never would have written to me.  You have a lot of good inside of you and it is time to work on bringing it out.

Hope some of my words have helped you.

Dr. Pat