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Expert: - 11/5/2011


Question
Hi,
I am looking for a technical name for what I do emotionally.
I can go through major crisis (i.e. death of a family member) and feel a little something but push it away and be able to accomplish what needs to be done (for example, making funeral arrangements). Maybe later on I will feel something more but I just kind of put it on a shelf and forget about it then it pops up again and I put it back on the shelf and forget about it again. I repeat this cycle over and over. I have survived quite well this way my whole life. I am able to carry out day to day functions even though I am pretty miserable on the inside & I feel like I am about to crack most days .
I don't know what this is called and not sure if it is 100% healthy but it seems to be working for the time being. I call it compartmentalizing but I don't think that is the clinical word for it. Any info you could give me on what this is called would be appreciated.
Thank you!

Answer
Hi Amy - your ability to survive and function by "compartmentalizing" is very common. It is often a symptom of having survived early-childhood trauma and developing a protectively fragmented personality i.e. "splitting." Some parts of your personality develop the ability to numb, repress, and minimize certain thoughts and emotions (like shock and sadness). Other parts over-focus on action as a way of avoiding painful thoughts and feelings (like healthy grief). Several technical labels may apply to your condition: denial, dissociation, repression, and "sublimation" (unconsciously manifesting one set of thought and feelings into a more acceptable set.

In my opinion, such clinical labels deflect from the REAL problem - normal personality fragmenting and related psychological wounds. For more perspective, see these:

http://sfhelp.org/gwc/gwc.htm

http://sfhelp.org/gwc/means.htm

http://sfhelp.org/gwc/compare.htm

http://sfhelp.org/grief/thaw.htm

http://sfhelp.org/gwc/recover.htm  

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Peter Gerlach, MSW

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I can answer questions about mood disorders, depression, suicide, relationships, communication skills, problem solving, clear thinking, bonding disorders, trauma recovery, addiction management, grieving, shame, guilt, fear, reality distortion, and trust disorders; courtship, family functioning, "problem kids," mediation, (re)marriage, divorce, stepfamilies, stepparenting, boundaries, self-neglect, abuse, parental neglect, personality subselves, ("parts work"). I cannot answer legal or medical questions.

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I maintained a private therapy practice near Chicago for 27 years, and have worked with over 1,000 men, women, couples, and families on a wide range of personal and family problems. I have been in personal recovery from growing up in an alcoholic family since 1986, and have worked with five therapists to heal my own psychological wounds. I maintained a "warm (phone) line" for callers on the topics above for 20 years, and have taught over 200 seminars and classes in midwestern universities, churches, support groups, and schools since 1981. I have practiced internal-family therapy ("parts work") with trauma-recoverers since 1991.

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National Stepfamily Resource Center (NSRC) Experts Council; SelfGrowth.com Compassion and Choices, and Final Exit Network

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# Several hundred articles in my non-profit "Break the Cycle!" Web site at http://sfhelp.org These articles are augmented by over 150 educational YouTube videos .

# six books on childhood-trauma recovery, effective communication, and stepfamily courtship, coparenting, and management.

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A bachelors degree in mechanical engineering (BSME, 1959) from Stanford University, a Masters degree in clinical Social Work, (MSW, 1981), and over 500 hours of post-grad training in the topics above - including clinical hypnosis, spirituality, codependence, addicrtion-management, and guided imagery. My post-grad traning includes two 9-month internships on doing internal-family therapy at the University of Illinois.

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Hundreds of grateful emails and comments from students and clients all over the world.

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Over 1,000 average Midwestern-US women, men, couples, and families. A physical disability limits me to doing telephone and Skype counseling now.

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