Expert: Graig Yarbrough - 11/9/2011

Question
Hello,
My family got a great dog yesterday, after months of planning and preparing. All family members seemed to be on board. Some of us (my mom and sister) suffer from various kinds of mental illnesses, including OCD, anxiety attacks, etc. My sister and I had a rough childhood growing up with my mom being mentally ill, so we're both 'quirky' in our own ways. I was really excited to bring the dog home, and thinking about it made me so happy. He was such a well-behaved dog. As soon as we brought him home however, my sister had a panic attack, saying that she couldn't deal with the change of having a dog after all. She has OCD and has difficulty dealing with change. She also started worrying about bad things that could happen in the future, like my mom having an episode due to the dog being in the house. Even though my mom was very supportive of the dog, she is highly unstable and has very unpredictable mood swings, so I did anticipate some sort of episode in the future. My sister however said that she could NOT deal if our mother had another episode because of the dog. She was highly distressed throughout the night, which made me extremely anxious. In the morning, I made the decision to take the dog back to the family that gave him to us to find another home.
I am really upset now and really regretting my decision to take the dog back, because I know I would have been a great owner. I'm thinking my sister would adjust eventually (she had an episode like this when we moved houses, but she got over it and we're still there today). Overall, I'm just feeling guilty and restless, like I shouldn't have given in to my sister's odd reasons for not wanting a dog all of a sudden. My thoughts keep racing and I don't know what to do to feel better about this.

Answer
Hi Claire,

No matter what you understand you have in the way of mental problems, you still have feelings, and you recognize them.  Those feelings are going to motivate.

Take a moment and relax.
 
Take a deep breath.

Calm your mind.

Don't just read this, do it.

Ask yourself, what it would be like if you did not feel guilty about this episode.
 
Fantasize about if for a minute.   See yourself in the situation. See yourself as not feeling guilty about it. What are you doing? What are your surroundings?

What would it be like if you could just let go of those guilt feelings right now?

I am guessing that you wouldn’t feel restless.  I am also guessing that your mind would be clear to see the situation as it is.

You would see that this behavior is your sisters.  It isn’t yours.  You would understand that you cannot change your sister.  You can only react to what she is doing.  Your reaction would be more of a neutral response. It would be more of an intellectual response.   You would feel in control.  Your decisions would be clearer.

Claire, you can learn to let go of those feelings just like you would drop a pen from your hand.

I can share with you how that is done.  Just let me know.

Graig 