Counseling/Mood swings, feeling down
Hi William, thanks for reading my question.
I'm a 34 year old female. In the past few years, I've faced a bunch of crappy circumstances, and more are to come. I understand this is life, and things will always happen, but I'm becoming less tolerant to them and more encouraged just to run away from them all.
I really don't know if this is a direct result of medication I'm taking, and I don't expect you to tell me if it is or not. I've heard many stories about how it does cause depression and mood swings, and I can tell a stark difference between when I started taking it. Previously I was able to cope with problems a lot better. Now, I just have zero energy, zero will, and no motivation whatsoever to deal with these issues at all.
I've been having issues with believing the grass is always greener on the other side. When I go test out that grass on the other side, I always want to revert back to where I was before. In other words, I'm sometimes so lost and caught up in things that I can't figure out what is good and bad, what I will like and what I won't, etc.
I'm in a relationship with a man, we've had our ups and downs. He stresses over money, his job, his ex wife. I used to be with a man that just didn't care about anything, which isn't good either.
I was stressed before because I did not have a job, but I have luckily found one. Is it what I enjoy doing? Absolutely not. In fact, I quit a job just like this one because I hated it. Only difference is the job before paid me $15,000 more a year and I actually got to work on some things I enjoyed. This one, I'm being paid less, and even though I have experience in the areas I enjoy, my hiring manager told me in no way would I be working in those areas. Instead, I'll be working in a department I absolutely hate. However, a job is a job, and I need the money.
I'm tired and exhausted, I don't care about much any more, and really have no joy. Yes, I have major mood swings where I'll be super happy and excited, and then go right back to feeling like this. Ugh.
Thanks for any help you can provide.
You sound like an intelligent woman, with good judgment. Your thought processes and reasoning seem clear and rational, and you show some good self reflection in what you've written here. For that reason, I'm going to encourage you to trust your judgment regarding the medication you're taking.
You said you noticed a "stark difference" when you started taking it. I don't know what your medication is, but I do know that these medications affect different people in different ways--therefore, you have to be the one to decide how it is affecting you. I didn't read anything in your question that indicated that you had been benefiting from the medication. If you are noticing benefits, you need to weigh those against your perceived detriments.
In my 39 years of professional experience, I've seen many cases where well-meaning physicians prescribe anti-depressant and anti-anxiety medications to individuals who would be better able to cope with their issues without the chemical intervention. You may be one of these...you have to be the one to decide that. From what little I know about you from your writing, I think this may well be the case.
One physician/author wrote, "Contrary to popular belief, depression is not a result of the absence of Prozac in the bloodstream." Interesting comment, and he is so right. Your body/mind are brilliantly designed to correct problems that you encounter, through the use of your own resources. Medication may or may not help you along the way, but it is most certainly not the long-term solution, as it treats symptoms, not cause. You can read more about this perspective on my web page entitled, Identify Signs of Depression and Heal Without Medication
As intelligent as you are, I think that you can also benefit from this journaling process
that I have developed. It basically guides you through a process where you serve as your own therapist, in a manner of speaking. I encourage you to try it, as I feel confident that you will find benefit.
The bottom line here, Meg, is that I encourage you to trust yourself and your own judgment as to what is right for you. Believe in yourself and your own inherent life wisdom. The more you believe in your inner wisdom, the stronger it will become and the better it will serve you.
I hope this is helpful.
Dr. William DeFoore