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Counseling/I Feel Bad And Have A Hard Time With Self Control


Hi William

I'm 20 and I've been feeling really low i'm a total loser because i'm doing nothing with myself and not even doing well at uni..failing actually. I'm not doing well in any area of my life so I was feeling really really bad about myself and like a total loser so decided to do something about it. I decided to volunteer at this NGO which a run by people my age to help eradicate poverty. So i went to the interview and thought it went really well and got offered a position which I was stoked about. But I later realised that they only took me on because they don't want to turn people away because everyone is volunteering at the end of the day. Now I'm not 100% sure about this but the signs have been pretty clear and its making me feel like a loser again. I'm not even excited about the work because of this. I'm trying to tell myself that I'm not as good as those people in terms or skills and comptence because I don't have the experience that they do not have I done anything in high school and that in the end I'll gain a lot from this and walk out a much better person but I still feel bad. How do I get over this and have a healthy outlook on this?

And also do you have any tips on how to improve will power and self control. I'm the laziest person and want to do so many things and try so many times but always succumb to temptation

Thank you :) :D

Hello Zoe

I understand that you are feeling very bad about yourself, and that you're having trouble keeping your thoughts from going in a negative direction when you think about your new position. I think I can help you, if you're willing to follow my recommendations.

It sounds to me like you have a strong pattern of thinking negatively about yourself. I'm sure you have good reasons for that, but it just won't work for that to continue. I want to help you to believe in yourself, and to begin to expect good things for yourself in the future. This doesn't guarantee positive outcomes, but it greatly increases the likelihood that you will be more confident and successful going forward.

You will find a detailed description of a journaling process described on this web page. It is very important that you read the entire page, and follow all of the instructions about journaling.

The value of this for you, Zoe, is that it will help you to: 1) sort through some of your past experiences that caused you to doubt and question yourself, 2) understand and release some of your fear and frustration, and 3) begin to develop a positive mental focus regarding yourself and your future outcomes.

I also encourage you to make up your mind that this new position with the NGO is going to work out to your great benefit. As you begin the work, look for every opportunity to learn, grow and contribute. Part of the journaling process will help you to be more optimistic, which is exactly the skill I think you need to make the most of your new job.

This is a matter of becoming a good friend to yourself, Zoe. Believe in yourself, and focus only on your strengths and skills. If you do all of these things I'm recommending, you will also find it easier to stay focused on your tasks and responsibilities.

You can choose to succeed in all that you do in your life. You have that freedom and power as a person.

My best to you,

Dr. DeFoore


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William DeFoore, Ph.D.


I can answer questions about depression, anxiety, anger issues, marriage issues, parenting, addiction issues and general life coping problems. I will give a positive perspective, offering encouragement and an action plan about the next best steps for you to take.


I have been in practice as a counselor for over 38 years, working with individuals, couples and families with good results.

I am the author of: *Anger: Deal With It, Heal With It, Stop It From Killing You. Health Communications, Inc. 2004. *Anger Among Angels: Shedding Light On The Darkness Of The Human Soul. Health Communications, Inc. 2000. *Serai: Bringing The Children Home. Wingspan Press, 2007

B.A. in Sociology; M.A. in Clinical Psychology; Ph.D. in Counselor Education; Licensed as a Licensed Professional Counselor

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