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Counseling/Possible depression and no friends


Hello! I wrote to you because I know you're Romanian and know more about the status in Romania.I myself am Romanian and I need some help.
I'm 21 years old,I'm a man now,but I feel I have no life.
I wrote possible depression because I have almost no pleasure in activities that I have done before.Maybe things get old after some time but I'm also bored most of the time.I have no guilt over anything,but I don't like or maybe hate all things in my life.Especially people.I have a reason for it.I have a family with unending conflicts and quarrels.I have gotten to the point where I don't want any family or kids in the future.This may be it but it's not everything.I have also gotten into friendships that devastated me,because I had a few friends(so few that I could count it on one hand) who abused me and used me like a doormat.I had this bad period of my life full of guilt and sadness that lasted for years,and eventually I came out of it,rebuilded my confidence and self-esteem,only problem that I have done this with myself,thus I "like" myself but I don't like others.The other bad thing is that with all these abusive friends I've socialized to talk about sex and drugs and corruption,so I kind of "grown into" these stuff that are sometimes socially uneccaptable.I've managed to shake off some of it but I still have the habit of making stupid sex jokes,altough I am educated,because I was a good student.Also,whenever I try to make friends I touch only a few topics like video games(because I played them much) or alcohol(because I drink sometimes like once a month) or what did the other studied at home.I tried this in instant messaging programs like yahoo messenger and failed.I tried to talk about ANYTHING both in messenger and in real but failed.I can't seem to make friendships that last,I have only managed to talk a few times to the people surrounding me in the class and that's it.I couldn't make any friends.It seems that I have nothing to talk to them about.AND after some time I gave up and didn't want any.Now I need help because I'm studying at a school(it's like a university) and I have a greater chance of getting some friends.The problem is most of these are girls and I have no topic with them.But the truth is I haven't had much topic with boys either,and I don't like to talk about girls(and I'm not gay also).Other thing that is important that I don't like to party so I don't go to any.
What other possibilities do I have regarding getting friends? I wrote to Yahoo Answers too but the things they said there to get friends aren't all available here like there in the US.Couldn't get help there.So I turned to you,a professional.I live in North-Western Romania.I wrote not just because I want help,but because I don't want to go to a psychiatrist and get labeled with a mental disorder,then take medicine that I could get addicted to,thus it would only be a temporary solution.Please care to elaborate on what I wrote and give any useful advices.Thank You!

Buna Antonel,

Avand in vedere ca esti roman cred ca e mai bine sa iti raspund in romaneste. Legat de ceea ce ai scris, se pare ca pur si simplu treci printr-o faza de maturizare, o etapa din viata ta in care ceea ce faceai inainte si oamenii pe care ii frecventai nu ti se mai potrivesc. Frustrarea de care ai scris vine de multe ori din faptul ca procesul de adaptare poate fi foarte dificil, si poate necesita mult efort si flexibilitate din partea ta (si de multe ori si din partea celorlaltor persoane care iti sunt apropiate, care sunt puse in situatia de a accepta schimbarile la tine).
Cu totii vorbim despre sex, iar daca scopul tau este sa iti faci prieteni este usor de inteles de ce ai folosi glumele cu substrat sexual, de cele mai multe ori sunt cele mai savurate de audienta.
Daca este vorba despre o depresie, nu se poate spune dintr-un simplu e-mail, as avea nevoie de mai multe informatii.
Pentru ca lucrurile sa fie mai simple, ar trebui sa intelegi foarte bine care este obiectivul tau (ex. sa imi fac prieteni etc.), sa fie realist si realizabil, si sa gasesti pasii de realizat pentru a-l atinge. Partea dificila este sa faci lucrurile altfel (stii deja ce nu functioneaza, deci nu are rost sa repeti) si in acelasi timp sa nu te pierzi ca individ, sa ramai cine esti tu (sau cine vrei sa fii tu).

Daca tu consideri ca starea ta iti afecteaza activitatea zilnica, probabil ar trebui sa vorbesti cu un psihoterapeut, te poate evalua si iti poate spune daca ai nevoie de psihoterapie (sau de altceva).

Din cele scrise mai sus as zice ca cel mai potrivit ar fi cateva sedinte de analiza si dezvoltare personala.

Nu ezita sa scrii daca mai ai intrebari.

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Lavinia Albescu


Any questions related to personal problems, in situations that require taking decisions, change, grief, work and carrier issues, stress management, addiction, conflict resolution and life coaching.


I am a certified Clinical Psychologist, Psychotherapist and Life Coach. I am also certified in other psychology fields such as Labor and Organizational Psychology and I used to work as a corporate psychologist and a soft-skills trainer. My professional training includes courses on counseling persons suffering from alcohol abuse, pre and post abortion trauma, and decision-making counseling. I provide both face to face and online services, see further information about me on my website:

B.S. in Psychology, Various courses of counseling, Rorschach Test course, Specialized in Clinical Hypnosis and Ericksonian Psychotherapy

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