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Counseling/Problems with life and socialization


Hello! I wrote this on another website because I needed help but this time I'm asking advice/help from this site.Here it goes:
I will put this short.
I don't live in the USA,I live in Europe(won't tell you where exactly).
Until now,I had no real friends.The only ones I had were scum and only made fun of me.Believe it or not.
That's been a while but I still don't have much appetite for anyone.
Anyway I tried to "socialize" (wrote it in commas because socialization actually happens before my age) by going out with my new classmates but nothing worthy happened,it was boring as hell.They either talk about something I gave no damn about or people I don't know of. Also,I can't decipher how people can talk so much(and many times utterly useless things).I'm not a retard,nor have Asperger's syndrome but I simply only talk when it's necessary,when I have to offer or ask for information. I'm already really apathetic concerning people and relationships/friendships, I only asked this question because I'm under pressure by my parents.Also don't have any siblings.Despite that,I'm curious of what information/advice you can offer.
I'm 19 and I'm staying at home because I ****** up my graduation and now I have to try it again.
Attention! I cannot get a decent job.The only job I can get from this kind of qualification is a street sweeper,which I don't want and it pays so scarcely it isn't even worth it.
If everything is true,I shall have my high-school graduation this or next month and if I pass,I will go to college or university or learn a profession.IF I pass it...
The school stuff was just some background,please concentrate on the "socialization" thing.
And don't recommend me stuff that I already know (i.e find friends similar to your interests,be open minded,go to sports,go to some school events) if you can.

As an explanation for why I used "retard",I wrote this:Yes,I wrote the word retard,because that's what an ordinary man might think of when he reads that I don't speak much and care less for other people's comments. Also,that's what they might think when they see me not caring about their comments and not laughing at ordinary jokes.(sometimes I have to fake a laugh to not seem like a retard,and it gets tiresome already). I know Autism isn't some kind of retardation,I knew that already.

And also,Autistic people don't really bother of what other people think of them,they do not look into their eyes/faces when they talk with them,things like this and as far as I'm informed, "don't see" other people's emotions.
The above is not true for me,I'm also vigilant and to some extent suspicious,and so to say neurotic.By the way I was REALLY neurotic in my childhood,not that much now.

I know from experience that when my "normal" classmates who saw autistic people immediately were thinking and saying that something is wrong with these guys and they seem to be some retards.

Now this is still prevalent and I need to find some solution to this.

Hello Michael - It sounds like your real problem is your parents "pressuring you" to be more "social," rather than accepting you as you are. Needing and enjoying social contact is not subject to willpower or logical reasoning, any more than digesting your food is.

I suspect there are several underlying problems:

1] parental guilt feeling like they've done something wrong because you're not "social" by their standards. This is their problem, not yours.

2] you may have inherited psychologtical wounds from your parents, causing low self esteem and low self-confidence - which promote social distance;

3] your parents and schools may have been unable to teach you effective communication skills, which causes you family stress and social discomfort;

4] Your parents don't realize they're creating a "Be spontaneous!" paradox by asking you to be someone other than who you are. That's like asking a vegetarian to want to like eating meat.

Overall, I suggest you:

# ask your parents to accept who you are, and focus on supporting you graduating and getting a satisfying job;

# check to see if you may have inherited psychological wounds that are inhibiting you socially. If you have, choose a long-rang view and work patiently to reduce your wounds over time. Use this free online "lesson"

Option - alert your parents to the wound-inheritance cycle with compassion, not blame.

# If you're motivated to upgrade your social skills for your own reasons [vs to please your parents], see this for options:

If you have questions on any of this, please ask! - Pete  


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Peter Gerlach, MSW


I can answer questions about mood disorders, depression, suicide, relationships, communication skills, problem solving, clear thinking, bonding disorders, trauma recovery, addiction management, grieving, shame, guilt, fear, reality distortion, and trust disorders; courtship, family functioning, "problem kids," mediation, (re)marriage, divorce, stepfamilies, stepparenting, boundaries, self-neglect, abuse, parental neglect, personality subselves, ("parts work"). I cannot answer legal or medical questions.


I maintained a private therapy practice near Chicago for 27 years, and have worked with over 1,000 men, women, couples, and families on a wide range of personal and family problems. I have been in personal recovery from growing up in an alcoholic family since 1986, and have worked with five therapists to heal my own psychological wounds. I maintained a "warm (phone) line" for callers on the topics above for 20 years, and have taught over 200 seminars and classes in midwestern universities, churches, support groups, and schools since 1981. I have practiced internal-family therapy ("parts work") with trauma-recoverers since 1991.

National Stepfamily Resource Center (NSRC) Experts Council; Compassion and Choices, and Final Exit Network

# Several hundred articles in my non-profit "Break the Cycle!" Web site at These articles are augmented by over 150 educational YouTube videos .

# six books on childhood-trauma recovery, effective communication, and stepfamily courtship, coparenting, and management.

A bachelors degree in mechanical engineering (BSME, 1959) from Stanford University, a Masters degree in clinical Social Work, (MSW, 1981), and over 500 hours of post-grad training in the topics above - including clinical hypnosis, spirituality, codependence, addicrtion-management, and guided imagery. My post-grad traning includes two 9-month internships on doing internal-family therapy at the University of Illinois.

Awards and Honors
Hundreds of grateful emails and comments from students and clients all over the world.

Past/Present Clients
Over 1,000 average Midwestern-US women, men, couples, and families. A physical disability limits me to doing telephone and Skype counseling now.

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