Question Hi Peter, I am having a miserable issue. To get started, you should know that I am a 31 year old woman, living at my mother's house, with no job. My father passed away a decade ago. Following my dad's death, my mom included me in various activities with a friend (I'll call her Rachelle), such as antiquing. I had some of the best times of my life during the whole thing, and found that I actually wanted to be friends with Rachelle. As a result, ten years ago, I got Rachelle to go for a walk with me, and she agreed not to tell my mother, and I soon confessed. A few months later, I had coffee with Rachelle, while Mom was with other friends. After a while, Rachelle found me clingy, and although I didn't want to be separated from her, I learned the hard way that it was not a choice I was free to make. I have since toned it down. Anyhow, back to the point, we then had a bit of a spat, and have since spent far less time with her. Usually today, Mom and I go to dinner with Rachelle and her son. Now, here is what I'm hurt and upset about~ now Mom says she is going to make plans with Rachelle, and leave me out. I AM NOT COOL WITH IT!!! I feel I can't speak up though, and I am hurt!! I do have a neighbor a lot like Rachelle, who I am trying to open a door with, however, I just didn't want this now, and I can't fix it. Please help!!! I am so unhappy! Thank you in advance.
Answer Hi Kate - it sound like you have several fixable problems:
1] you're having trouble accepting that your Mom can have a relationship with Rachel without always including you - you're not peers. I suspect your Mom wants you to form your own set of similar-age friends;
2] for unspecified reasons, you're having trouble speaking honestly with your Mom and doing win-win problem-solving with her about your respective needs, expectations, and boundaries;.
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