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Counseling/No Motivation In My Current Job


Hello, thank you so much for reading my question to you.  I hope that I can get some insight as to what my next steps should be.

I'm a 35 year old female.  I'm in a relationship with a wonderful man.  The problem though is not with the relationship, although I can guarantee that these "life" problems I'm about to explain certainly do cause moments of tension in the relationship.

First of all, if I could go back and do things differently, I probably would.  However, as hindsight is 20/20, I wouldn't have picked any other choice at that time and I know that for a fact.  At any rate, I spent last summer being unemployed after not one but two ventures did not work out for me.  Finally out of desperation I took a job I knew I wouldn't find the least bit intriguing.  

I have a professional degree, one I went back to school for to get.  I would say a good 80% of jobs related to my degree deal with exactly what I'm doing now, which is consulting work.  I know for a fact this work isn't for me, and I don't find it the least bit challenging, exciting, mind-stimulating, etc.  I do have a career in the back of my mind that I want to do, and have wanted to do since the age of 12.  I actually was excited about joining the company I'm at now because they do specialize in that kind of work, but I was told flat out that I'd be doing what I'm doing now, and that's pretty much it.  

Since November, I have been in touch with a manager of a company who has verbally offered me a position once things get up and running.  That company does EXACTLY what I am passionate about.  The problem is, they are merging with another larger company, and it's taking time to develop a client base in the area.  I know that this is the nature of the beast in the business world, but it's frustrating to know there is nothing concrete as to when I will receive an official offer, if I even get one at all.  It's like my dream career is right in front of me, but yet so far away.  It's literally right in front of me at my current place of employment, but I keep getting the same projects over and over again that I absolutely HATE doing.  

This has translated over into every other aspect of my life.  I don't sleep well at night.  I don't really care too much about anything.  I used to be passionate about cooking and reading and exercise, now I don't even have the energy or motivation to do any of it.  My appetite has completely gone down the drain especially at work, because I just loathe every second of what I do there.  

Couple that with the fact I feel like an absolute failure at life, because at the age of 35, I have about 75K in student debt, I absolutely hate my job, and to top that all off, my job pays the absolute lowest wage possible in my industry.  Since I was unemployed for so long, I exhausted my savings account and am now just starting to catch up.  However after all the debt payments get made, I don't have much to work with, especially because my salary is so low.  I'm sure I sound like a broken record, and you have heard this story so many times before (even I have) but I must say I never realized how bad it was until I found myself in it.  

I'm tired, I'm irritated, I'm frustrated.  The only thing I can think of doing is trying to get different projects at work.  Anything but what I'm doing now.  I know there's opportunity, but it's the manager that tells us what we are doing.  While I know I won't get to work on that one specific thing I'm passionate about, maybe I can hone my skills in another area that could be helpful.  Who knows, but at this time, I'm willing to do whatever it takes to at least attempt to get different types of projects.  

So I guess my question to you is this - how do I cope with a job that I hate, day in and day out, and not let it affect me?  I can already tell it's having an effect on other areas of my life such as my health and relationship.  I thought I could just apply for another job somewhere else, but I've only been at this one for 4 months.  Part of me just wants to do whatever I can to stick it out until I get an official offer from the other place.  If I don't get an offer by the Fall, then I can start expanding and looking I guess.  

I just really don't know what to do next.  Any help would be appreciated.



Hello Ann

As I read your question, I was very aware that you are a very intelligent and accomplished woman, with a lot going for you. That is not to diminish any of the feelings you're having in your current situation...I know those are real, and I will help you with that.

I also respect and appreciate the clarity and thoroughness of your writing. That helps on my end.

I want you to consider a three part process, by which we as human beings literally "create our own reality."

1) We have a theory, a perception or an expectation about our current or future life.

2) As part of our human nature, we want to be right.

3) Therefore (here's where we actually begin to create our own experiences), we look for and focus on those things that support and validate our theory, perception or expectations--because we want to be right.

The irony of this is that you may not like your theory or perception at all, for example, your perception that your current job offers you nothing but unhappiness (my words, surmised from yours).

I suggest that you start every day with a positive expectation for your day, such as, "Today I will find opportunities to contribute to my well being and the well being of everyone around me." It needs to be something that fires you up a bit.

Then, because you want to be right, you will look for evidence to support your theory, and you'll find it. Your focus has been on what you don't like, and you've created a very strong pattern of negativity as a result.

Learn about positive journaling here, and watch the video on that page. It will teach you how to create a new "default" mental mechanism that not only allows you to find the good in your present circumstances, it also will help you create the outcomes you desire.

You are far more powerful than you know, Ann, in terms of your ability to create your present and future happiness, fulfillment and success. Use these tools I've recommended, and I assure you that you will find yourself consistently moving into the life you choose for yourself.

My very best to you,

Dr. DeFoore


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William DeFoore, Ph.D.


I can answer questions about depression, anxiety, anger issues, marriage issues, parenting, addiction issues and general life coping problems. I will give a positive perspective, offering encouragement and an action plan about the next best steps for you to take.


I have been in practice as a counselor for over 38 years, working with individuals, couples and families with good results.

I am the author of: *Anger: Deal With It, Heal With It, Stop It From Killing You. Health Communications, Inc. 2004. *Anger Among Angels: Shedding Light On The Darkness Of The Human Soul. Health Communications, Inc. 2000. *Serai: Bringing The Children Home. Wingspan Press, 2007

B.A. in Sociology; M.A. in Clinical Psychology; Ph.D. in Counselor Education; Licensed as a Licensed Professional Counselor

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