Counseling/ayuda por favor
QUESTION: dear friend:
I am suffering a fourth episode of depression because I had a girlfriend and then I suspected she was pulling my leg. I quit her and abandon her. I am consulting a psychiatrist and taking 5 different medicines for my depression. I am seriously thinking about call her up and ask to be friend again in order to cure this enormous depression.
What do you think?
ANSWER: I am suffering a fourth episode of depression because I had a girlfriend and then I suspected she was pulling my leg. I quit her and abandon her. I am consulting a psychiatrist and taking 5 different medicines for my depression. I am seriously thinking about call her up and ask to be friend again in order to cure this enormous depression.
What do you think?
Please consider something for me.
While some depression is clinical, that is, it is a chemical imbalance which must be treated, most depression is not.
Depression is really not the most accurate way to describe it. We “depress” when we want to avoid something. It is a process of cutting off the feelings associated with something that’s giving us problems. When you do that, you cut off feelings in general, and you’re left with sort of a bland, non-feeling state. This effectively cuts you off from your perceptual ability to know what’s going on around you.
Suppressing feelings only drives them into the subconscious where they hide until triggered again, by the same situation that produced them in the first place. They return again to motivate behavior.
The key is to learn which feelings are causing the problems, and then simply release them. When you do, they will no longer have the problems that they once did.
Let’s take a look at feelings for a moment.
Feelings are the body's reaction to thoughts or thought processes. They go hand in hand. If you have a bad feeling, there is a thought or group of thoughts behind it.
You base the kind of feeling you experience on the “meaning” you attach to the thought. If the meaning is positive, the feeling expressed will be positive. If the meaning is negative, the feeling expressed will be negative.
Feelings motivate behavior. Think of how you react when you think of this girl. What behavior do you exhibit? Are you reluctant to call her? Are you fearful of what might happen when you do?
When you no longer have negative energy associated with some situation like what you described, your behavior changes.
The problems you seem to be having with this girl are feeling based. Why do I know this? Because you are depressing around that general situation. This means your attempting to avoid certain feelings, rather than deal with them.
Auraxal, I invite you to look at this in a different way. Instead of approaching your girlfriend with the same mindset that you now have, consider taking some time to examine your feelings surrounding her. The reason I suggest this, is because when you deal with those negative feelings, they will no longer motivate your behavior. Your perception will be clear. You’ll be able to approach this girl without all the negative energy. You’ll see yourself and her clearer, and your choices will be better. If fear is one of the feelings you’re dealing with, it will no longer be present.
Take a moment and imagine what it would be like if you approach this girl without the negative feelings, or without the present condition of suppressing those feelings. What would it be like? Would you be able to see things clearer? Would you be without the depression, and the medications you been taking?
I can show you how to release those negative feelings, if you will allow. Just let me know. Please keep in mind, depressing feelings is not the way to deal with them. The way to deal with them is to a knowledge them, experience them, and then let them go.
---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------
QUESTION: dear friend:
I am afraid to call her up because perhaps she did not want to know about me anymore because I broke up with her in a bad way. I erased her from Facebook because I thought She was pulling my leg in a phone conversation. Even I am married I like her too much but I am afraid to call her up because perhaps she tell me NOT to a new relation between us. I am expending plenty of money In psychiatrist and pills for depression and I think that if I call her things would be worse that if I maintain far from her. You know I kissed her just once and when I cut the contact with her I got depressed.
Whats your opinion? please show me how to release those negative feelings,
My note to you was to help you to see that you’re focusing on the wrong thing. You’re focusing on the problem instead of the solution.
The problem is the feelings that you have associated with this event. That is what’s motivating your entire behavior toward her. She is not the problem. Your association with her is not the problem. Your fantasies about her is not the problem. It is the feelings that you suppressed over the years of your life about similar situations. This girl relationship you have, is the trigger that draws out those negative feelings. Let go of the feelings, and your association with this girl will correct itself.
Auraxal, you created these feelings. You must own them fully in order to let them go. You must acknowledge them, allow them to be part of your experience, and then choose to let them go.
How do you let go of feelings?
How do you let go of anything? You simply acknowledge that it’s there turn it loose. If you held a pen in your hand palm up, and decided to let it go, what would you do? You would simply turn your hand over and let the pen fall. If you’re holding onto a rope that someone was pulling against, and you decided to let go of that rope, how would you do it? You’d simply open your hand and release the rope. Letting go of feelings is the same principle. You fully acknowledged the feeling that you’re experiencing. You say I created this, as an example, anger because of (name the situation). I choose to let it go.
Here’s a technique that you can use. This technique is a simple structure that guide you toward letting go of any feeling that you choose. By the way, you can let go of good feelings as well as negative ones. Why is that so? Because it is the “holding on” of feelings and suppressing them, instead of acknowledging them and letting them go.
Here is the procedure.
Find a quiet place for you can be alone. Take three deep breaths. Think of something that creates a negative feeling in you. It doesn’t have to be something that is a serious problem with you, although it can be.
Identify the feeling. Is it anger, fear, anxiety, guilt, etc.?
Now say to yourself, “I have this feeling of (name the feeling) when I think of (name the thought). On a scale of 1 to 10, 10 being the most intense, my feeling is at (name intensity of your feeling)”.
Now ask yourself these three questions. There’s nothing magic about them. They’re simply a structured way of dealing with your negative feelings.
Could I let go of the feeling of (name the feeling) when I think of (name the thought)?
Would I let go of the feeling (name the feeling) when I think of (name the thought)?
Now, major intensity of that feeling on that scale again. Where is it at? As it moved up or down? If at his moved down, continue asking yourself these questions, and checking yourself on that scale until the intensity has reached zero.
When that intensity has reached zero check yourself again, using intensity scale to see if there’s any negative energy left. If there is continue until all of it is gone.
What will you notice? When you have that thought again, the negative energy surrounding it will be gone. With it will be easy behavior and negative energy was motivating. You’ll find your perception is clear. You’ll find that you do not want to react in the same way that you did before.
If the intensity has not gone down, chances are you’re still not owning that feeling. Cool back and ask yourself, “could I allow myself to have feeling fully that I created when I thought of (name the thought)? Now go back and try the procedure again to see if there’s any movement. You should begin to see a slight decrease in the intensity. Again, continue until all of that negative energy is gone. It’s just energy that is created by some thought process or groups of thoughts that had been suppressed.
Once all that negative energy is gone, if you will imagine in your mind the situation of that thought as something entirely new. Otherwise, see yourself reacting in an entirely different way positively the way you’d like it to be. You have just changed that past thought from negative to positive. You have in effect, reordered in your past as it is stored in your subconscious.
Auraxal, keep working with this process. The more you do it, the more it helps you. The amazing thing is, this works even if you do it a little bit. You begin to see the results immediately and this is motivation to continue.
Let me know how your proceeding. Let me know if there’s any more information or clarification you need on this.