You are here:

Counseling/What should I do about my mom?


So there has been some family drama and I’m at the point where I think it would be best to cut my mother out of my life. I’m not sure if it’s the right choice. So my mom and I have had a rocky relationship for the past 10 years. I’m 27 married and living on my own with my amazing husband.  We are also having troubles getting pregnant and are seeking help from doctors now. I believe 90% of it is due to stress from the family. So to start it off when I first started to date my husband my mother believed he was the worst thing for me. I started college then and I was living with my parents since we lived close to my school and they offered free rent. I would be in my room and she would come down and spend hours trying to convince me to leave him. This got to the point where I worked a lot and was never home... I then dropped out because I couldn’t handle the stress.  This continued on for 5 years until my husband and I bought a house and I moved out. She came up with a lie as well that made me move into my now in-laws for 2 weeks. I came up stairs to have supper and spend time with them. My mom told me that Mike (My husband, Boyfriend at the time) was at my cousin plotting to buy their place, move me out there and never let me see her again. I was so upset I drove over and his truck was not there. I called my cousin and she was confused and asked why would he be there without me, I then called my now mother in law and asked if mike was home, he was and if he’s been home all night, which he was.  She never admitted to this lie, she really believes this is what happened…
So shortly after I moved out my younger brother got a girlfriend. Issues with her home life forced her to move out and my brother moved her into their house (My parents’ house). Long story short my mom same up with these ideas that she was being rude and using my brother and dad against her.. She kicked her out and my brother followed. With no were to go they moved into my house. They broke up but every girlfriend my brother got same story…  This got to the point where she was thinking my cousin was stealing her pills… that everyone was…
Currently my parents are splitting up. Which I believe is the best for them. My dad was becoming a heavy drinker with all the drama and very depressed. It got to the point where he cheated on her. She always seems so mad and upset with everything. Everyone is against her or no one is good enough for my brother and I. She would not allow my dad to spend time with my brother or I, even though she said she wanted us to have a good relationship with him. When I found out about the affair I didn’t speak to my dad for 2 months and my mom begged me not to cut him out of my life.  Now that they are no longer together my dad barely touches booze and is back to his happy self. I also talk and spend a lot of time with my dad and we have the father daughter relationship I’ve always wanted.
This gets even better… My brother is now engaged to an amazing young woman who thinks the world of him. She and I have even become really good friends. My mom brings her down behind her back calling her a bitch and a liar but then in a few minutes say she’s the best thing for my brother.  So my brother moved out a year ago but has recently moved back in with my dad. My dad wants the help getting the house ready to sell so he and my mom can have enough money to start their lives over.  Well with my brother’s wedding my mom went overboard on the décor and is now selling everything… even things my future sis paid for… saying she has no money, when I’ve seen my dad give her money every pay day so she would be ok. My mom now currently lives my auntie and uncle and does not pay rent.  She went over to my dad’s and it was just my future sis there. My mom threatened that she will kick her out of the house because it’s still her house just because Future sis mentioned that my bro cannot handle this stress and had a mental break down recently when the family dog died. I used to call my mom 3x a week when she moved out to my aunties. She would cry and bitch about the situation and I was trying to my compassionate...  then she would go off saying no one cared or ever called her… so she came up with this story and got my grandma to go in on it. She got my grandma to tell my auntie that she has been missing for a week. I got this call that my mom’s jeep was there and her cat (This cat goes ever where with her) were there but she has been missing. I panicked thinking she got lost in the woods (They live in the country) I called everyone and was about to call the police and file a missing person report when my brother called me and said he’s going out there and talking our auntie cause something is wrong.  The next day I got this call and she was there the whole time… and that it was another lie… that was 3 weeks ago, I have not spoken to her since then.. Of course after telling her that what she did was deranged and wrong, she then told me to grow up and start acting like a adult…
My husband now does not want any of our future children to have contact with her due to her actions. We believe she is Bi-polar but she won’t seek help. She has become very toxic to myself and I’m at the point where I believe her not being in my life is what’s best for me. But she is still my mom, I still love her and I don’t wasn’t to make such a harsh decision without logical thinking...  
Sorry its so long I’m just in a difficult decision and I need a outside view


Having a difficult relationship with your mother can be very stressful. The kind and level of energy you want to give to the relationship is entirely up to you. It sounds like the more you give, the less you get sometimes. If this is the case, and you think that your mother really does have some sort of mental health issues, you may want to reanalyze the type and level of relationship you have with her, and relate with her on your own terms.

Giving less and seeing your mom as someone who is hurting herself, and not just mean or crazy may help you better protect yourself from harm in the future. I wish you well.


All Answers

Answers by Expert:

Ask Experts


Bill Rehkamp, M.S., LMHC


Hello! I am a Licensed Mental Health Counselor located in Miami Florida that specializes in providing career guidance and counseling. I promise to listen to your concerns in a calm, positive, and non-judgmental way. I have over 12 years of counseling experience helping individual address career related issues such as: stress management, school achievement, family crisis, depression, anxiety, wellness, relationships issues, and substance abuse. Are you a student interested in working professionally in the mental health field? I can help you too! I provide career assessment, educational and career planning information to individuals who are considering changing or entering a new career. I look forward to hearing from you soon.


I have worked professionally as a counselor in several non-profit and government agencies for the past 12 years. I first started working on a crisis suicide hotline in Miami, then for a non-profit shelter helping adolescents and families in distress. I have worked for an agency assisting people with disabilities to seek and obtain meaningful employment, and have experience in employee assistance.

American Counseling Association (ACA), Professional Member.

I have a Master's degree in Counseling from Florida International University, National Board Certification in Rehabilitation Counseling, and State Licensure in Mental Health Counseling.

©2016 All rights reserved.