Counseling/can't let go

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Question
Hello Laura,

I Am A 25 Year Old Woman Who Is College Educated, StartinG A Career, With A Full Life Ahead To Look Forward To, But Somehow I Cannot Let Go Of A Previous Relationship. I Was With A Man For Two Years, We Lived Together And Talked Often Of Marrying, Although A ring Was Never Involved. I Was Very Much In Love, More Than I Had Ever Been Before And The Majority Of His Family Accepted Me As One Of Their Own (My Mother And I Are Not Close, I Am An Only Child, And MyFather And His Side Of The Family WereHorribly Abusive To me All Of My Life, So I No Longer Have Contact With Them). the Demise Of The Relationship Was Based On Several Factors But Ultimately I Knew I Could Not Continue To Stay In What Became An Unhealthy Relationship. I Made The Choice To End Things And I Packed My Bags And Moved On To Another City. EvenThough I stand FIrm ID  My Decision To End Things, Knowing Full Well My reasons Were Sound, I Still Cannot Move PaSt My grief At The Loss Of What Was To Be My Future, What Had Been My World, And The Love I Had Always Wanted. It Has Been Well Over A Year Now. I Have Had Absolutely No Contact Whatsoever With My Ex, I Have Removed Pictures, Gifts, Etc From My HoMe. I Have Erased His Number And Blocked Him From Facebook, Not Because He's A Bad Person, But Because I Knew It Would Be TOo Tempting To Check His Profile And That Would Cause More Pain. I Have Made AN Attempt Or Two To Casually Date But Could Not Bring Myself To BEing SomeOnes Girlfriend. I Seem To Dream About Him Several Nights Out Of The Week, And Every Time I Wake Up, It's As If The Breakup Is Fresh In My Mind All Over Again. I Do Not Know What Other Steps I Can Possibly Take To Make This Hurting Stop. I Have An Active Social Life And I Go To The Gym Almost Every Day. I Have A Wonderful Job And A Great Living Situation With My Roommate. I I Have ThRee Beautiful Pets That Keep My Idle Time Occupied And I Enjoy Hobbies Such As Guitar And Drawing As Well As Always Having my Nose In A Book. I Am On Prozac And Have been On AntiDepressant Medications Since I Was 19, Mostly Due To Unresolved Issues And Ptsd From Childhood Abuse And Neglect. Aside From This I Would Consider Myself A Happy, Lively, Outgoing Person, But For The Past Year And Few Months I Have Been Haunted By The Death Of This Relationship. What Can I Do To FinallyBury The Hatchet As It Were And stop This Nonsense That Continually Pains Me?

Any And All Help Is Appreciated And I Am More Than Happy To Extrapolate On Any Point In Order To Better Explain The Situation.

Thank You,
Ashley

Answer
Hello,

I applaud you for not starting a relationship with someone else. It is hard to do that realistically when you aren't finished with the old one.

My suggestion is to spend your life doing things that you love and make you happy. You have a hole in your life now that was left by the loss of your relationship. When that is filled with joyful things, you won't notice it as much. Take a class. Go on a trip. Write in a journal. Spend time with friends. Expand your life and yourself.

I would also advise resolving the childhood issues. It's hard to enjoy the here and now when you are carrying old baggage from the past.

Sincerely,

Laura Giles

Counseling

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Laura Giles, MSW

Expertise

I can answer questions about sexual assault, sex offending, domestic violence, substance abuse, acudetox, hypnosis, biofeedback, neurofeedback, ADHD, relationship issues, and run of the mill mental health questions.

Experience

Extensive inpatient, outpatient and criminal justice experience.

Education/Credentials
BS counseling, MSW social work

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