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Counseling/ex that is sick

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My ex boyfriend has a bad cancer - i was going to break it off with him as he is controlling and manipulative (won't go to therapy)before he was diagnosed and then i felt too guilty.  We are now "friends" - I have been going to some appointments with him as his family and he don't get along even though he lives with them due to being sick(34 years old)/  I was going to stay with him for a few weeks after his surgery then i got a great job offer that i accepted.  NOw he is furious and abused me on the phone.  should i say no to the job to help him out a few weeks?  I don't want to and I really need the job but I feel guilty

Answer
Dear Edgar,
Thank you for your letter. It must be difficult to watch a friend go through troubles. He wants you to help him, but maybe it is more important to take care of yourself. My opinion is based on your own language in the letter:
he is furious and abused me on the phone
I really need the job
I feel guilt
To process all that, you may need to get away and take care of yourself.
If you decide to walk away, drop in on a 12 Step group, especially co-dependents anonymous, al-anon, Child of Alcoholics, or another group for codependence. Or get into private counseling. You may have a lot of work to do on yourself that you are avoiding by focusing on someone else.
If you want to discuss further, please write back.
Best wishes,
Nori

Counseling

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