I had recently stumbled upon a website for a self test on psychopathy. I scored 79.9% out of the given 100%. Curious I read more and did more online tests. I am including result pictures from one online test. The more I seem to read the more it makes sense. Which to be honest concerns me and as odd as it may sound, excites me. Ive always considered myself... different. However it seems to make me money in my sales type job of conning and manipulation... it also makes my marriage suffer to an extent. I never wanted a relationship. Ever. The idea of marrying anybody made me nauseous until I met my now husband. That was 4 years ago. I guess... to my experience I can understand enough about something to sort of retrain my brain. Acknowledging the problem helps me find solutions. Learning the problems and causes helps me combat feelings. However I fear it could create a... fake personality in this instance. I can smile and be more friendly when inside I believe full heartedly the world would better suit me with 90% of the population gone. I can fake it plenty but I see it doing more damage then good. Is there anything I can do should do?? I cant afford therapy. I also have very severe PTSD if it means anything. I guess at this point I just dont know what to do next. Should I pay more attention to my brain and try to retrain myself when I observe unhealthy thoughts or behavior. Or just give in and admit that I really am that f#ckered up. I just worry that my relationship will shatter because of this. Its the only thing in my life of importance. I value his life more than my oown. I have tried tried telling him my concerns and the expressing the likelihood of a psychopathic type disorder whixh he replies 'gee you think?' Which I cant tell if he really agrees or if he is making fun. Idk I feel lost.
Answer Hi Alexis - from your description, I suspect you are a normal survivor of early-childhood abandonment, neglect, and abuse (trauma). The symptoms you describe like "PTSD") are typical signs of inherited psychological wounds. For a far better life, I encourage you to patiently study and apply online "lesson 1" at http://sfhelp.org/gwc/guide1.htm It's about healing the wounds that are restricting your life. Your mate might well benefit from studying this with you. - Pete
I can answer questions about mood disorders, depression, suicide, relationships, communication skills, problem solving, clear thinking, bonding disorders, trauma recovery, addiction management, grieving, shame, guilt, fear, reality distortion, and trust disorders; courtship, family functioning, "problem kids," mediation, (re)marriage, divorce, stepfamilies, stepparenting, boundaries, self-neglect, abuse, parental neglect, personality subselves, ("parts work"). I cannot answer legal or medical questions.
I maintained a private therapy practice near Chicago for 27 years, and have worked with over 1,000 men, women, couples, and families on a wide range of personal and family problems. I have been in personal recovery from growing up in an alcoholic family since 1986, and have worked with five therapists to heal my own psychological wounds. I maintained a "warm (phone) line" for callers on the topics above for 20 years, and have taught over 200 seminars and classes in midwestern universities, churches, support groups, and schools since 1981. I have practiced internal-family therapy ("parts work") with trauma-recoverers since 1991.
Publications # Several hundred articles in my non-profit "Break the Cycle!" Web site at http://sfhelp.org These articles are augmented by over 150 educational YouTube videos .
# six books on childhood-trauma recovery, effective communication, and stepfamily courtship, coparenting, and management.
Education/Credentials A bachelors degree in mechanical engineering (BSME, 1959) from Stanford University, a Masters degree in clinical Social Work, (MSW, 1981), and over 500 hours of post-grad training in the topics above - including clinical hypnosis, spirituality, codependence, addicrtion-management, and guided imagery. My post-grad traning includes two 9-month internships on doing internal-family therapy at the University of Illinois.
Awards and Honors Hundreds of grateful emails and comments from students and clients all over the world.
Past/Present Clients Over 1,000 average Midwestern-US women, men, couples, and families. A physical disability limits me to doing telephone and Skype counseling now.