Counseling/I want my family to like my fiance?
Alright so my name is Alison and I am 24. I have been dating this man, Christoph, for a year and a half now. Heís 33, and heís a bail enforcement agent (basically a bounty hunter.) I was very taken aback when I first met him, I didnít know they were actually a real thing, to be honest. He has seen a lot of scary people, been in a lot of scary situations, and he is still the most polite gentleman you will ever meet. He is charming, charismatic, and he treats me so well. He brings me home flowers for no reason, pulls out my chair for me, etc. He is wonderful. His job makes things difficult sometimes; he works a lot of long hours, and I worry about him because it is a very dangerous career. Itís worth it, though, because I love him more than anything.
Well, he just asked me to marry him, and of course, I said yes. :) I live across the country from my family, so the only person who has met him is my mom when she came to visit 5 months ago, but my parents are more open-minded than my extended family. In a couple of weeks, we are going to visit them, and I want to tell them that we are engaged, but none of them have met Christoph, and Iím nervous about it. On one hand, he is very charming, and extremely polite, so I think he will have no problem getting their approval. On the other hand, I donít know how well my family will take to his career. They are all mostly lawyers or teachers, and very conservative, while he chases down criminals for a living. I just really want them to like him. Any advice on the situation?
So excited to hear you have met the man you truly love. That to me is the most complicated hurdle one have to cross in any relationship. Getting to discover the true love of your life can be quite elusive to many, but when it eventually shows up, one can be counted as favored.
Your fear and apprehension is quite understandable, but i would give the following advice.
1. Accept your man for who he is and what he does for a living. Don't despise him because the job he does is somewhat "dirty". The most important thing you can do for him is showing him you really love what he is doing. If at the long run he gets another job, that would be perfectly okay, but please show him respect, love and devotion.
2. Regarding your family members accepting your man, i would suggest you don't get worked up over this issue, because respect and acceptance comes naturally. You don't demand it. You earn it. From what you shared about Christoph, he sounds good to me and he wont have problem blending perfectly with your family. If your family really wants what is good for you, they would surely show him some love and respect. Life is not just about looking for the perfect man who is having the perfect job. Whats important is knowing that someone loves us 110% and that person is always there for us no matter what happens.
Support your man as you plan to visit your family, and help him with necessary tips about your family background that would make it easier for him to fit in. At the end of the day, you will discover that you fears and apprehension may not be necessary.
Wishing you all the best Alison and please keep me posted about the eventual outcome.