Counseling/possible sexual abuse
I asked my sister if she ever thought our father went a little to far in terms of affection. She told me that I had better check myself, ask God for forgiveness.
Laura, my father has been a minister in the Reformed Churches for over 35 years. He is beloved, as he should be, in his congregation of over 500 members. But, that doesn't mean that he couldn't have sinned himself. All sin!
I remember after a catechism class, we were alone inside the church. He kissed me, on my lips, my face, my legs, all over my body. My shirt came off and who knows what else would've if not for a knock on the door. I was 11 years old.
But even if I was sexually abused, I wouldn't know for sure. That kissing session lasted a good 10 minutes. There were others, but being so young I do not remember where he kissed me. Maybe it was all in innocence.
Bits and pieces are coming back. Then again, I may have dreamed them. I had a dream that my father gave me oral sex. I hated myself for even thinking that. Why? But maybe I dreamed this for a reason.
Is this something I should bring up with my father? Not the dream of course, but his affection he had with me? Thanks.
Trust yourself. Trust your memories. Don't let anyone talk you out of what you know. Don't let anyone make you feel guilty for something that happened where YOU were the victim. Your father kissing you all over your body was a violation of trust. It was a violation of morals. If nothing more than that happened, you were sexually assaulted. You did not ask for that. Even if you had, at your tender age, you couldn't give consent. You wouldn't understand what you were consenting to.
I don't think you should bring it up with your father because you aren't clear yet with yourself what happened, how you feel, what you want from this, etc. When you are clear on what you want the outcome of that conversation to be, then perhaps it will be appropriate.
Best of luck,