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How do I not care what this therapist said when she insulted me  

Today was my second visit and she fell asleep both times. In addition she insulted me today. I came to her office to deal with family issues and at the end of todays session she says 'I been meaning to ask you, why are your clothes big on you'. I was stunned especially since my issues had nothing to do with my clothes. Also almost every day I get complimented on what I am wearing. I dress very chic and elegant, I do not dress slutty.

I asked her why she said this and she said 'I want to know if you have body issues'. Again I was stunned. I told her that the way I dress is none of her business and I always get compliment on how I dress and the issues I came to discuss had nothing to do with my body or clothes.

I told her I will never come back to see her again and she had no right to put down the way I dress. When I got to my car I called my best friend and she was stunned as well.

Because of this psychologists remarks the rest of the day I felt very insecure about the way I dress.  I was feeling really good about myself until this therapists remarks

Debbie:  First things first:  your instincts were right on!  This is not what she is being paid to do and too many therapists think that their job is to go fishing for problems despite what the client wants from therapy.  It's as if the therapist believes that they are the experts on the client's goal rather than the client.  You were spot on when you confronted and essentially "fired" her.  Maybe it's how we are biologically programmed; a 100 people could compliment us but all it takes is one person to create doubt.  The question you asked may not be the most useful one.  Maybe a more useful question is "how do you begin to care about something more useful than the psychologist's opinions."  That is exactly the point, isn't it?  This is only one person's opinion.  Just because she has an advanced degree doesn't make her an expert on fashion - or you.  What you could do, is turn a negative into a positive. Be open to other people's opinions and if they have constructive suggestions of how you can be even more chic and elegant, you have the option of taking (or not taking) their advice.  Self-improvement could be a very useful thing.  Finally, I hope this doesn't turn you off completely to therapy.  Not all therapists think and practice similarly.  At last count, there were somewhere around 300 to 500 different models and theories.  You seem to have a good idea about what you want from a therapist.  Refine your goals for therapy and find a therapist who is willing to work with you rather than against you.  You might want to take a look at for an alternative way of thinking about therapy.  Joel


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Joel Simon


General questions about counseling, psychotherapy and mental health.


Over 30 years as a therapist, clinical supervisor and solution-focused trainer. I've worked in a variety of settings including adolescent day treatment, inpatient psychiatric hospitals, community mental health clinics, and hospice. Further information is available on my website:

A founding member of the Solution Focused Brief Therapy Association, Academy of Certified Social Workers, Board Certified Diplomate in Clinical Social Work, Licensed Clinical Social Worker (LCSW) in New York State.

Co-authored "Solution-Focused Brief Practice With Long-Term Clients in Mental Health Services: I'm More Than My Label." Authored: "Solution-Focused Practice in End-of-Life and Grief Counseling" Several articles published in professional journals including 2 with Insoo Kim Berg. Further details are available at

Masters of Social Work (Yeshiva University 1978). 5 years training in Transactional Analysis, certified in Advanced Ericksonian Psychotherapy and Hypnosis with the New York Society (NYSEPH), Advanced training and advanced supervision seminar in solution-focused brief therapy with the co-developers of the approach, Insoo Kim Berg and Steve de Shazer

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