Counseling/help me


QUESTION: I have always had a kind of bad family situation. My mom is well I guess the closest word to describing it would be crazy and I met my dad once when I was about 6 or 7 I think and haven't seen him since. I was taken away from my mother when I was a few weeks old because she wasn't taken care of me and I was then put in my grandparents care, well mostly my grandmothers because when I was about 5 my grandfather had a stroke and suffered brain damage leaving him with the mentality of pretty much a child.Living there my mom would come by every once and a while sometimes stay for a couple days and then leave for weeks. When I was about 10 my grandmother found out she had breast cancer, she went through the chemo and surgery but she was just getting worse and was unable to take care of me and my grandfather anymore so I was sent to live with my cousins that I had spent a few weekends here and there with.
My grandmothers house wasn't really a good place for a child, with my mother there talking about people taking her wheels and saying she was going to take me "home" when she got a place, and with one of my uncles(now deceased) who was homeless and a druggie, there was people coming through that house that weren't the best for a child to be around.
My question has to do with, I have this strong feeling that one of my other uncles let's call him Bob, I just don't know why but I have this strong feeling that he did something to me, i'm not really sure what exactly, either him making me touch him or him touching me or what. I just remember when my grandmother was in the hospital I was just mean to him specifically when he would tell me to do things such as come and eat dinner or go to sleep and I just had this strong feeling against anything he said.
Well I am 19 now and my cousin/mom was talking with my cousin/dad and he was like there were so many bad people going through that house when she was living there, how do we know that she wasn't sexually abused, and she told him that well if she was she might not even remember it. She told me about this and I was like yeah I don't remember anything really but I was also so young that I don't remember a lot of stuff from when I was living there. I think that is what has got me thinking a lot about it.
Also most of the time after me and my boyfriend have sex, I just feel really sad afterward and I just want to curl up in a ball and lay there.  Also if we are in like the middle of something, and he does something accidentally that makes it hurt I just try to get away from him and face the wall but I have no idea why. He recently asked me why after we have sex that I always want to like curl up in a ball and I was like I don't really know, I think that has also got me thinking that maybe it has something to do with "bob".
I guess the question is really is there anything you think I can do to determine if anything really happened? Maybe I remember since I have such a strong feeling against him maybe my mind is just blocking out any of those memories because of how bad it was and is there anything I can do to maybe unblock it? Maybe you have an insight on it being about something else rather than abuse?

Also I can't talk to my uncle "bob" about it because he is in jail for stabbing a woman and there isn't anybody left really from my childhood that I can talk to about it because my mom was rarely there and my grandparents and uncles are now deceased.

ANSWER: Hi Faith,

You have a remarkable story to tell. You have had experiences that many have never had to contend with. First a bit of information.

As each of us goes through life, we store these experiences as memories. In some cases, the negative experiences, accompanied by strong emotion, are stored as little programs. When we access that particular memory, it begins to play as if it was happening right now. Depending on how we react to that program, the feelings attached to it, begins to motive our behavior as if that memory was happening right now in our experience.

The whole system comprises energy as memories, represented by the bodies reaction to those memories, or what we call feelings. Thoughts about those memories and the feelings you have about them are just two sides of the same coin.

Positive memories yield positive feelings, and those feelings motivate  your behavior.  Negative memories, yield negative feelings, and those negative feelings motivate your behavior.

Does this make sense to you, Faith?

As we go through life, we experience something, the body has a reaction to it, (feeling) and then we let it go. It remains as a  memory but, since we let it go, it has very little energy attached to it. That would be good,  because without the energy of that feeling, no energetic motivation. However, we learn to hold on to some  feelings, rather than let them go. When we do that, they are stored as little energetic programs that remain till we deal with them.

When we experience something in our life now, that brings negative memories of that same situation earlier in life, we replay that little energetic program with that feeling. If that feeling is intensive, it motivates our behavior. We can be angry or sad about something that happened to us years ago.  If we just had that thought, without the energetic feeling, it would come and go. There would be no motivation associated with it.

Now to your question.  

It might be very difficult to discover some behavior someone else has done in the past.  Even so, you would still have to address the stored programs you might have, relating to your past experiences, and how they are motivating your behavior now.

The way Ii see it, it helps to understand where you have been in your life.  Then it is time to address it in the now.  

The question is, what can you do about it now?  I've got some answers for you if you are interested. Just let me know.

Graig :)

---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: I am interested. What can I do about it now?

Hi Faith,

I have to apologize that this is a bit late. I changed computers.

They key for you is to start by understanding how you know you have a problem. For you it seems that you behave in an unusual manner when you have sex.  You mentioned you curl up in a ball or turn away.  Iím sure it is also accompanied by some feelings.

All of this is the result of a program that gets caught up in your subconscious.   When it is triggered, you experience all of this.   In addition, when you experience something negative like this, there is a disturbance in your bodyís energy system.  The best way to deal with this is to recognize how you know  you  have a problem and then  just let it go. Sounds simple and it really is when you know what to do.

I am going to suggest that you to this website;  There you will see some videos of people with problems similar to  you. You will see them getting relief and you will get to see how it is done.
All of it is free and not cost to  you.  You can begin to practice it immediately and it is amazing how effective it is.
If you should have any  questions about it,  or you just need more clarification, please write me again.



All Answers

Answers by Expert:

Ask Experts


Graig Yarbrough


Most of the problems you have, are connected to your emotions. Your body follows your mind. What you think or have been thinking, you express in your body. That includes, pain, sickness, and anxiety. If you experience anger, that experience is a bodily feeling event. These feelings motivate behavior. Think of how you behaved the last time you experienced anger. What would that experience be like if there was no anger? These experiences color everything you do. Learn more about this and ways you can release these feeling states for the freedom you desire.


I have been counseling here on AllExperts for over 15 years. I have over 100 hours in personal counseling. I have experience in both individual and group counseling. I am an advocate of Energy Psychology and a practitioner of FasterEFT. Are you tired of taking about it and are ready to fix it? I thoroughly enjoy helping other people with the knowledge I have to share!

I have a B.A Degree and many hours of self-study. I have about 120 graduate hours in sociology. I was an Equal Opportunity Adviser for the US Army for three years. I am US Army Retired.
I am a graduate of the US Army Primary Leadership Course, Basic Non-commissioned Officers Course, and Advanced Non-commission course. I am a graduate of the Defense Equal Opportunity Management Institute.

I am a graduate of the Longridge Writer's Group. I am a graduate of Star Power, level 1. I am a student of FasterEFT and the release technique.

©2017 All rights reserved.