Counseling/Anxiety and Depression?
Okay, I'm 22, and I am a dance teacher. My fiance, Robert, is 25. He is from Sweden and he moved here with his parents when he was 18. We met at college my first year there and immediately hit it off and started dating. We moved in together when I was 20 and we got engaged about 3 months ago, and I couldn't be more excited to marry my best friend. He is sweet and understanding and he always makes me laugh, but he has a lot of problems with anxiety and depression. He is a graphic designer, so he works from home a lot. Sometimes, he is just fine, and he likes to go out with our friends and have dinner and be social, but he'll have these days where he doesn't want to leave the house because he is so depressed and so anxious. It usually lasts about a week where he'll sort of hibernate and he won't go anywhere. He'll work only from home, and he'll stay up after I go to bed for hours playing video games or watching tv because he has some problems with insomnia when he's depressed.
He has tried a lot of different medications, but he says he doesn't like how they make him feel. He goes to counseling, but it doesn't seem to help him. I don't know what to do for him. My family isn't very understanding about mental illness and they think he's just lazy and that I shouldn't marry him because of his problems, but he isn't lazy at all. He works really hard and makes decent money and unless he's feeling depressed or anxious, we go to the gym together almost every day, and we do the fun things together. We go out to eat and go to the movies and go to the zoo or six flags or something fun on our days off. He isn't what they think he is. But I don't know how to help him. It breaks my heart when he gets into these ruts where he doesn't want to leave the house out of fear and depression. I don't know what to do for him. I just want him to be happy. What can I do? I feel helpless. And please don't be hurtful.
Its really tough seeing your loved one going through so much pain and depression. I can understand your desire to see that her gets out of the shell of depression and fear. The first thing you need to do is to ensure you are always there for him no matter what. Its dangerous to allow him be by himself all alone without your warm presence. Some depressive individuals can hurt themselves when things begin to get out of hand. Secondly, try to shield him away from too much criticism from your parents. If her get to know what they think about him, it might worsen his situation and make thins so complicated. Encouraging him to go out for more out-door activities will definitely help a lot. Staying indoors may sometimes trigger depression and fear. So try to encourage him to be more outgoing instead of remaining indoors.
Another wonderful way to help out, is by been patient. “When you’re patient with your loved one, you’re letting them know that it doesn’t matter how long this is going to take, or how involved the treatments are going to be, or the difficulties that accompany the passage from symptom onset to recovery, because you will be there,” And this patience has a powerful result. “With such patience, comes hope,” And when you have depression, hope can be hard to come by.
Sometimes supporting someone with depression may feel like you’re walking a tight rope. What do I say? What do I not say? What do I do? What do I not do? But remember that just by being there and asking how you can help can be an incredible gift.
Finally, its so important that you discuss this issue with him when he is in a good mood. Remind them about what’s at stake and what you are really feeling. A depressed person is ill, yes, and probably wouldn’t choose to act hurtfully when well, so simple blaming is not appropriate. But there are supportive ways to remind him of your limits and insist that he get treatment. The earlier he gets a professional treatment, the better for you both.
Let me say this……. You don’t fix someone with depression , you help them cope with it. Its a lengthy process that requires a lot of mental strength and large heart, because they sometimes stretch your capacity to endure. Love can bear all things Sara, so stick to your man and help him each day to become a better person and eventually overcome his weakness.
Wishing you all the best.