Counseling/Fiance's Anxiety and Depression?
Okay, I'm 22, and I am a dance teacher. My fiance, Robert, is 25. He is from Sweden and he moved here with his parents when he was 18. We met at college my first year there and immediately hit it off and started dating. We moved in together when I was 20 and we got engaged about 3 months ago, and I couldn't be more excited to marry my best friend. He is sweet and understanding and he always makes me laugh, but he has a lot of problems with anxiety and depression. He is a graphic designer, so he works from home a lot. Sometimes, he is just fine, and he likes to go out with our friends and have dinner and be social, but he'll have these days where he doesn't want to leave the house because he is so depressed and so anxious. It usually lasts about a week where he'll sort of hibernate and he won't go anywhere. He'll work only from home, and he'll stay up after I go to bed for hours playing video games or watching tv because he has some problems with insomnia when he's depressed.
He has tried a lot of different medications, but he says he doesn't like how they make him feel. He goes to counseling, but it doesn't seem to help him. I don't know what to do for him. My family isn't very understanding about mental illness and they think he's just lazy and that I shouldn't marry him because of his problems, but he isn't lazy at all. He works really hard and makes decent money and unless he's feeling depressed or anxious, we go to the gym together almost every day, and we do the fun things together. We go out to eat and go to the movies and go to the zoo or six flags or something fun on our days off. He isn't what they think he is. But I don't know how to help him. It breaks my heart when he gets into these ruts where he doesn't want to leave the house out of fear and depression. I don't know what to do for him. I just want him to be happy. What can I do? I feel helpless. And please don't be hurtful.
How are you?
I hope you are well as you receive my e-mail.
With regards to you and your fiance, it feels strange that simple things can be complicated when there are other things/people involve "your world".
Sometimes, living in "your own world" is a lot better than having other people involve yours. Marriage is different from family ties and I am not agreeing or disagreeing with your family. If you are able to stand with your boyfriend and willing to take him as your husband you do have the choice of going through the marriage. There are no better ways of dealing with the person who is facing mental illness but more patience and caring plus a lot of love. For you, you need to have a SUPER POWER of PRAYER and a LOT of FAITH IN GOD to be able to stand by him.
Wealth, physical attraction and ties with him is not enough because it could get worse later on.
Consider how you want your life with him and if you think you will be able to grow with him farting, coughing and laughing versus facing struggles with your family ties having a lot of stress and always battling on what they believe in then you are meant to take him as your husband.
You can always check with a professional counselor to make sure you are able to see your options, otherwise if you are religious it's much better to see a pastoral counseling.
Take care and all the best :)