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Counseling/Cheating and abusive boyfriend

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Question
How to get past not trusting him? We have been in a 5 year relationship it hasn't been easy. Within the first couple of months he was cheating with his wife they were getting a divorce. After finding out we still stayed in a relationship. He was abusive but when it was good it was good when it was bad it was bad. He has cheated several times in the past 5 years I always just tried to look past it. Got to a point I didn't really care but did at the same time. He moved out off an on I kicked him out he would leave he went to a therapist for a couple months. Then didn't have insurance so stopped. He moved out for good took all his stuff about three months ago. About three weeks ago I text him because he had mail at the house. That's were it all started he told me he missed me still loved me. Couldn't live without the kids and I. They are not his children. He explained he was getting help for sex addiction and for being abusive. He relized he didn't want to end up alone in life that he had hurt me the kids his kids. We have been seeing each other for about three weeks now. When he goes to these meetings its hard on both of us. It's really hard for me to trust him. What do I do? I would love to go to therapy but I don't have insurance to do so. Not sure how to cope with these feelings. I don't want to ask questions all the time or be syco. I need help.

Answer
Hi Brook,

Relationships, especially marriage, work when the two have some common goals and both are respected. When you do not have the respect, then it doesn't work very well.

The relationship you are describing to me  sounds dysfunctional.  That's not a dig on you. It just means the combination is not working very well.  

There is no way to establish a healthy relationship if you do not respect yourself.  When you allow yourself to be treated like this, by someone else, regardless of your feelings toward him, you are not respecting yourself. Just because he is going to a therapist,  or that he tells you he loves you, does not mean the relationship is going to work. It is obvious that he does  not respect himself.  I know it seems easier to try and work it out.  What you have to decide is will he continue the same behavior, or will it somehow resolve itself?  

Sometimes if is far better to just remain friends rather than continue in a relationship that is not working.

Since you cannot change someone else, the only work you can do is on yourself.  If you want more help in that area, I can work with you.  I'll give you some information that will help and refer you to a couple of places where you can get help without having to pay for it.

Really, all this comes down to your wanting to help yourself, and are willing to do the work.

Brook, write me again if you  want to.

Graig:)

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Graig Yarbrough

Expertise

Most of the problems you have, are connected to your emotions. Your body follows your mind. What you think or have been thinking, you express in your body. That includes, pain, sickness, and anxiety. If you experience anger, that experience is a bodily feeling event. These feelings motivate behavior. Think of how you behaved the last time you experienced anger. What would that experience be like if there was no anger? These experiences color everything you do. Learn more about this and ways you can release these feeling states for the freedom you desire.

Experience

I have been counseling here on AllExperts for over 15 years. I have over 100 hours in personal counseling. I have experience in both individual and group counseling. I am an advocate of Energy Psychology and a practitioner of FasterEFT. Are you tired of taking about it and are ready to fix it? I thoroughly enjoy helping other people with the knowledge I have to share!

Education/Credentials
I have a B.A Degree and many hours of self-study. I have about 120 graduate hours in sociology. I was an Equal Opportunity Adviser for the US Army for three years. I am US Army Retired.
I am a graduate of the US Army Primary Leadership Course, Basic Non-commissioned Officers Course, and Advanced Non-commission course. I am a graduate of the Defense Equal Opportunity Management Institute.

I am a graduate of the Longridge Writer's Group. I am a graduate of Star Power, level 1. I am a student of FasterEFT and the release technique.

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