QUESTION: Recently I am just constantly worried about my girlfriend. I've noticed she is not as happy as she was and I don't know whether it is stress, school, or a number of things and it is killing me on the inside. I've tried talking to her directly and she says it is nothing. I don't know how to proceed anymore
ANSWER: Hi Andrew,
When you have a problem like this, it is a good idea to look within. Why is that so? We see others as we see ourselves. If that is true, you have to ask yourself what is going on the inside of you that is creating this situation for you. Remember, you can't change her. You cannot force her in any way to share what is going on inside her. You can only change how you react to her. It is your reaction to her right now, to include the feelings you have, that is motivating you to experience being "constantly worried."
You might say, "wait a minute, she is the one that isn't happy right now." That is really an interpretation by you of the situation, based on what experiences you've had with this kind of thing in the past.
You want to ask yourself, what feelings you have about her not being "as happy as she was." Those feelings are an indication of what old program is playing, from of your subconscious.
The key is how do I feel right now about this situation? Are you anxious? Are you fearful? Do you feel guilty for some reason; perhaps because you do not feel adequate?
Once you've identified that feeling or feelings, learn to let them go. Once you do, you will present a more calm and relaxed environment around her, which will do the most to provide an atmosphere where she is inclined to share.
You might also keep in mind that sometimes women react in ways that seem unsettling to men, because they do not understand. During those times, they don't want to be questioned; just loved and accepted.
Does this make sense to you?
If you have any questions or need clarification, please write again. If you want to learn how to let go of feelings, I've have a technique that works, that I would be happy share with you.
---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------
QUESTION: Figuring how to let this all go would be really helpful thanks for everything.
First some basics.
Feelings are the body's reaction to thoughts or thought processes. They go hand in hand. If you have a bad feeling, there is a thought or group of thoughts behind it.
You base the kind of feeling you experience on the “meaning” you attach to the thought. If the meaning is positive, the feeling expressed will be positive. If the meaning is negative, the feeling expressed will be negative.
When you let go of a feeling, you release the charge on the accompanying thought. Now the thought is just a thought. If it comes up, it no longer has a negative feeling attached to it. It is just a thought with no motivation.
I'll share a simple concept that allows you to let go of negative feelinngs. I will also share a website you can go to that will show you another, very effective way to do that.
Think of a situation where the thought has a negative charge on it. What is that feeling? Is it fear? Is it guilt?
Now on a scale of 1 to 10, how strong is that feeling?
Now ask yourself three questions. There is nothing magic about these questions. They just facilitate the process.
Could I let go of x (name the feeling) when I think of Y (name the thought.)
Would I let go of x when I think of Y
Now measure that charge on the scale again. Where is it? Has it gone down? If there is any left, repeat the process until all of it is gone.
If you are having trouble letting go, it is usually because you will not allow yourself to have it. Ask yourself, could I allow myself to feel x when I think of Y?
You can also go to the website FasterEFT.com. There you will find a technique that I think is best at using this process.
Any further questions or clarification, please write again.