You are here:

Counseling/coping with failure, feeling dumb


Hi, I was hoping you could give me some advice. I have high expectations of myself academically. In my high school exams I performed above average and got into a well known, high ranked university. However despite my achievements, I constantly feel stupid and fear failing. For example, today I did my first quiz for one of my university subjects and got 75%, and I had an overwhelming feeling of failure. Suddenly already I was thinking about dropping the unit, or not continuing with further units related to that subject. I felt so dumb and that my goals in life are useless because I cannot be good at this subject if I do so badly in the first quiz. Whenever things like this happen, no matter how seemingly insignificant they are, I get very upset and panicky, and feel that everyone else is better than me and I cannot succeed at anything in my life.

How can I get over this and change my way of thinking? Thanks

Dear Nicole,

Thank you for asking me your concern.  I would be happy to answer your query but you are always welcome to seek professional help on this matter with your counselors in your university.

There is a very wise saying, "Life is the stuff that happens to us in between the things we've planned". If that statement is true, then it is reasonable to assume that how we handle "Life", is the real measure of who we are, rather than how much we planned things; after all there is a good chance we are simply living out the larger plans of beings greater than us anyway- who are measuring THOSE things in us. (Then, is planning too much in this sphere just trying to impose our will ?)

  A) You might want to decide what kind of person you are character wise...are you; brave, are you a go-getter, are you someone that gets up again quickly after getting knocked down, are you a thinker? All of these thingss help us to decide how to proceed forward when "Life" comes at us.

  B) If you, as a person could be summed up in one saying or statement, what would that be?

  C) Who are your role models, and research what they did when they faced setbacks.
  D) Thoreau went into the woods to live life deliberately. Have you a place to reconnect yourself to your inner source? That is, and always will be where you find your peace and strength. Then you will see that minor setbacks are but individual ticks on a timeline of many great events.

Decide WHO YOU ARE as much as what you want to become, and always remember to count your blessings - see that so many out there would love to get even a 65% at a great school like yours.

All the best,


All Answers

Answers by Expert:

Ask Experts




I can answer any counseling concern related to coping with stress, emotional imbalance, sibling rivalry, marital relationship, spiritual confusion that affected/affecting and will affect your well-being. I am not the usual "what is in the box!" type of counselor. I am very polite and gentle but direct to help you understand your situation. I also use pastoral technique to help you understand that human needs supernatural power from the source in order to cope with stressors. Please be informed that I am very much welcoming in any questions you would like to ask but PLEASE DON'T BE RUDE in the stating the subject/concern. ANY FOUL LANGUAGE can restrict me to entertain your queries. Thank you very much.


I am a Counselor with BS Behavioral Sciences degree. I have experienced in counseling both individual and groupd sessions. I have conducted a lot of workshops related to peer counseling and healthy mind body and spirit related topic. I did a couple of thesis counseling session when I used to work in a Medical College. I have been commended for my research work. My passion is to listen and be able to assist anyone who needs problem-solving solution.

Psychological Educators' Society (2001-2004)

BS Behavioral Sciences Counselor for 5 years Researcher for 2 years Psychometrician for 2 years Adept in counseling, use of psychological testing and administration and interpretation/use e-clectic technique

Awards and Honors
Graduated with Honours (CLINICAL OFFICE ASSISTANT)

©2017 All rights reserved.