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Question
I am a 34- year old woman, living with my widowed mother, while getting started with a business I recently opened.  I have a friend (Corrine) who is a neighbor of my mother.  Being raised an only child, which I am beyond grateful for, but still sometimes needed a mentor, Corrine has been kind of like my big sister... she is older than me, actually a very young grandma, as she started really young, in terms of having children.  For the most part, Corrine has been a very good friend, but lately, I have been getting the sensation that she maybe wants to call it quits.  For a long time, I was going to Sunday services with Corrine at her church.  I love it, as it gives me a chance to spend time with her.  However, until yesterday, she did not attend for 6 weeks.  I was actually shocked that she wanted to go out to breakfast with me, but worked nicely, since neither of us have a living father.  It was a nice time, but I did question some of her comments.  She has been worrying about me, and all my health problems (or so she says).  Corrine said that she is praying for me all the time, and "giving me to God."  Also said I don't seem to love myself, and hopes that learning to do that will be the one thing she can teach me.  Although I took everything with a grain of salt, it does concern me, but what bothered me the most was that she tried to sell the idea to me of going to a Sunday event, where lots of people in their 20s attend, and I have to be honest that it really does not appeal (especially since my 30s are moving a lot faster than I can keep up).  I get tired, and it is in the evening, and being a self-employed freelancer, I am always under the gun on Sunday evenings.  I am going to have to tell her that it won't work, but I want her to know that in actuality, our Sunday meetings are the biggest motivator for me during the week.  As a start, I sent her a thank you note, and put that in so many words, however, I think it's going to take more than written communication.   She did ask me if I was tight with my possible stepdadís children, which I like them, but they are not here, and I don't know them on a personal level.  That said, I have very little room for friends in my life right now, so going to lots of events is not easy, with health problems, and trying to run a business totally on my own.  However, Corrine is my most important friend right now.  I think the reason I gravitated to her so naturally is b/c she reminds me of my mother's BFF (Rachelle), although I don't have a clear, concrete answers as to why.  Rachelle is like my surrogate aunt, since my dad's sister and I just really don't get along.  I am not the best at getting my thoughts out without looking like a sap.   I want to be honest, but I'm scared.  Bottom line, I am not interested in spending time with my generation, but even if I were, Sunday nights would not work out right now.  11 AM services are the best for me, with my work anyway. I like my time with Corrine, and I donít know how I can go on, if it ends.  Itís too much for me emotionally.  I am already so down, and going and hanging out with a bunch of young people is going to make me more depressed.  As of right now, my one friend in Iceland from my generation is good enough.  How should I handle myself with Corrine?  I cannot snap out of my anxiety, and itís not fair to my clients either, as it interferes with my work.

Answer
Hi April,

You can't give what you don't have.

I would say you take care of yourself first, then you will be able handle what you might encounter with Corrine.  

Honestly, you really can't change someone else. All you can do it react to what they do. As you can tell by this, it is your reactions that you need to work on first. What is it that produces the anxiety.

Anxiety is a general negative feeling we get sometimes, when we don't now what is happening.  It involves feeling and how that is motivating you.

If you would like to know more about this, please write again.

Graig

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Graig Yarbrough

Expertise

Most of the problems you have, are connected to your emotions. Your body follows your mind. What you think or have been thinking, you express in your body. That includes, pain, sickness, and anxiety. If you experience anger, that experience is a bodily feeling event. These feelings motivate behavior. Think of how you behaved the last time you experienced anger. What would that experience be like if there was no anger? These experiences color everything you do. Learn more about this and ways you can release these feeling states for the freedom you desire.

Experience

I have been counseling here on AllExperts for over 15 years. I have over 100 hours in personal counseling. I have experience in both individual and group counseling. I am an advocate of Energy Psychology and a practitioner of FasterEFT. Are you tired of taking about it and are ready to fix it? I thoroughly enjoy helping other people with the knowledge I have to share!

Education/Credentials
I have a B.A Degree and many hours of self-study. I have about 120 graduate hours in sociology. I was an Equal Opportunity Adviser for the US Army for three years. I am US Army Retired.
I am a graduate of the US Army Primary Leadership Course, Basic Non-commissioned Officers Course, and Advanced Non-commission course. I am a graduate of the Defense Equal Opportunity Management Institute.

I am a graduate of the Longridge Writer's Group. I am a graduate of Star Power, level 1. I am a student of FasterEFT and the release technique.

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