Counseling/Issues with my friend
I am a 34- year old woman, living with my widowed mother, while getting started with a business I recently opened. I have a friend (Corrine) who is a neighbor of my mother. Being raised an only child, which I am beyond grateful for, but still sometimes needed a mentor, Corrine has been kind of like my big sister... she is older than me, actually a very young grandma, as she started really young, in terms of having children. For the most part, Corrine has been a very good friend, but lately, I have been getting the sensation that she maybe wants to call it quits. For a long time, I was going to Sunday services with Corrine at her church. I love it, as it gives me a chance to spend time with her. However, until yesterday, she did not attend for 6 weeks. I was actually shocked that she wanted to go out to breakfast with me, but worked nicely, since neither of us have a living father. It was a nice time, but I did question some of her comments. She has been worrying about me, and all my health problems (or so she says). Corrine said that she is praying for me all the time, and "giving me to God." Also said I don't seem to love myself, and hopes that learning to do that will be the one thing she can teach me. Although I took everything with a grain of salt, it does concern me, but what bothered me the most was that she tried to sell the idea to me of going to a Sunday event, where lots of people in their 20s attend, and I have to be honest that it really does not appeal (especially since my 30s are moving a lot faster than I can keep up). I get tired, and it is in the evening, and being a self-employed freelancer, I am always under the gun on Sunday evenings. I am going to have to tell her that it won't work, but I want her to know that in actuality, our Sunday meetings are the biggest motivator for me during the week. As a start, I sent her a thank you note, and put that in so many words, however, I think it's going to take more than written communication. She did ask me if I was tight with my possible stepdadís children, which I like them, but they are not here, and I don't know them on a personal level. That said, I have very little room for friends in my life right now, so going to lots of events is not easy, with health problems, and trying to run a business totally on my own. However, Corrine is my most important friend right now. I think the reason I gravitated to her so naturally is b/c she reminds me of my mother's BFF (Rachelle), although I don't have a clear, concrete answers as to why. Rachelle is like my surrogate aunt, since my dad's sister and I just really don't get along. I am not the best at getting my thoughts out without looking like a sap. I want to be honest, but I'm scared. Bottom line, I am not interested in spending time with my generation, but even if I were, Sunday nights would not work out right now. 11 AM services are the best for me, with my work anyway. I like my time with Corrine, and I donít know how I can go on, if it ends. Itís too much for me emotionally. I am already so down, and going and hanging out with a bunch of young people is going to make me more depressed. As of right now, my one friend in Iceland from my generation is good enough. How should I handle myself with Corrine? I cannot snap out of my anxiety, and itís not fair to my clients either, as it interferes with my work.
The best thing in life is to be true to oneself no matter how difficult it may sound. There is no joy in living a false life and trying to please others who are close to us while we suffer internally and secretly. All you got to do is tell Corrine how you feel and it must be done politely and discretely without creating a scene out of it.
As regards finding out time to relate freely with your peers, it is vital and important that you create time to do that once in a while. It helps a whole lot to relieve one of certain pressure associated with personal and business lifestyle.It may not be 100% convenient, but we can always create room for certain things that are important in our relationships.
The fact remains that we all need others just like we need our little privacy. Getting a perfect balance is what makes the difference. This you can discover via constant practice and with time.
Wishing you all the best this season